DC Trawler

TheDC Morning: Meet America’s #1 terrorist: Dow Jones

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1.) Meet America’s #1 terrorist: Dow Jones — Whew! Good thing we got that debt deal done, huh? Now all we have to worry about is the worst market drop since the Carter Administration. TheDC’s C.J. Ciaramella reports: “The Dow Jones Industrial Average dropped by 512 points Thursday, erasing this year’s market gains, but the White House had little to say besides… ‘I don’t have a specific reaction to the market. Markets go up and down,’ White House press secretary Jay Carney said. ‘There is no question that we have — this economy has faced headwinds this year, a variety of them including the earthquake and tsunami in Japan, the increase in oil prices, energy prices that resulted from the unrest in the Arab world and the situation in Europe, also,’ Carney said.” Not to mention the fact that — and let’s be clear — the dog ate their homework. So now we’re supposed to believe that the stock market is plummeting even though we raised the debt ceiling and avoided default and all that other stuff we absolutely had to do to avoid disaster… and it’s because the Republicans prevented a tax hike? It has absolutely nothing to do with anything Obama has or hasn’t done? As Allahpundit at HotAir.com says of the debt deal, “It did nothing much to encourage job creation and it prolonged regulatory uncertainty, and now the market’s reacting accordingly.” Yeah, b-b-but… George Bush!

2.) Dog bites man; president gives speech — Is it Obama’s boundless confidence in the power of his baritone? A lack of better ideas? Just plain loneliness? Whatever the case, get set for yet another speech. TheDC’s Neil Munro reports: “On a day when President Barack Obama is expected to face a poor report on July unemployment, he’s scheduled to appear at the old Navy Yard in Washington, D.C. to showcase his administration’s job programs. Obama will use his 11 a.m. speech ‘to discuss the Administration’s efforts to prepare our nation’s veterans for the workforce,’ according to the White House. Images of the president talking about jobs programs will help soften political anxieties resulting from a jobs report due out at 8:30 a.m. Economic analysts expect poor performance, but nothing terrible enough to nudge the nation’s unemployment rate above June’s 9.2 percent showing.” These days, “nothing terrible enough” is considered good news at the White House. It’s just silly to say Obama hasn’t been creating jobs, you guys. What, do you think those tables at his lavish fundraisers just wait themselves? Meanwhile, to show how consistent the White House’s message is, Jay Carney is now saying, “The White House doesn’t create jobs… the government, together — White House, Congress — creates policies that allow for greater job creation.” Wait. Is the White House Press Secretary trying to say that the government only makes it easier or tougher for the rest of us to create jobs, depending on the amount of taxes we have to pay and the number of regulations we have to deal with? When did he join the Tea Party?

3.) Obama fan fights back against disparage-mints — In times of trouble, we all need to do our part and stay vigilant against treasonous satire targeting our Dear Leader. Associated Press: “The University of Tennessee bookstore has quit selling packages of breath mints that satirize President Barack Obama after a state legislator complained. The box bears a picture of Obama and is labeled ‘Disappoint-mints.’ Officials pulled the product after Democratic state Rep. Joe Armstrong visited the bookstore and told the manager he found the mints offensive. Armstrong told The Knoxville News Sentinel that UT uses federal and state funds and should be sensitive to what he called ‘politically specific products…’ Bookstore director David Kent said the bookstore previously carried mints that satirized former President George W. Bush and said no offense was intended.” Yeah, but that was different. Dissent is the highest form of patriotism, as long as it doesn’t hurt the feelings of Obama and his supporters.

4.) Real Whine — Is Obama beatable in 2012? He sure is, says… Bill Maher??? “The magic is gone,” says the infected — er, infectious — funnyman. TheDC’s Jeff Poor reports: “In an appearance on MSNBC’s ‘The Ed Show’ Wednesday, fill-in host Michael Eric Dyson asked HBO’s ‘Real Time’ host Bill Maher if anyone in the 2012 Republican field could beat Obama. According to Maher, with the economy in the shape it is in, Obama is beatable. ‘Absolutely, I do, especially where the economy is going,’ Maher said. ‘I mean, they’re getting what they want. They want the economy to tank, because that’s their best ticket to beat Obama. And the bill they just forced him to sign is a great start to ensure that we have this double-dip recession, and that unemployment stays high, and that nothing is moving in the economy. They’re choking the recession in the crib. That’s just what they want to do.” So the Republicans are such ineffectual idiots that they’ve masterminded an economic collapse to weaken the president. Who is of course an innocent victim in all this. And that’s why his electoral prospects are dimming. Even when Bill Maher reaches the right conclusion, it’s for all the wrong reasons. It’s as if he stumbles upon the truth by accident, panics, and has to cover up by saying something stupid. That must be why he’s just barely edging out “Swamp Loggers” on the Discovery Channel. At least those guys can see the forest for the trees.

5.) Mary Katharine Ham channels Uncle Sam — You might think a spending cut entails a cut in spending. Silly teabagger! All you need to do to CUT spending is INCREASE spending by less than your opponent wants to. In the latest “Hammertime” video installment, TheDC’s own Mary Katharine Ham shows how you can “cut spending” in your own budget just like the big boys in Washington. Hint: You will not actually save any money. And unlike the government, you’re not playing around with somebody else’s money. But it’s still fun!

6.) Today’s words of wisdom from Alec Baldwin’s Twitter feed — “@BredoubleU ..I lost my ass and one of my balls, but money isn’t everything.” [Ed. note: Mr. Baldwin is talking about the stock market, or possibly a kiln explosion.]

VIDEO: Yeah… Wait. What?