DC Trawler

TheDC Morning: Perry and Palin sittin’ in a tree, A-G-R-E-E-I-N-G

1.) Perry and Palin sittin’ in a tree, A-G-R-E-E-I-N-G — It’s anybody’s guess whether Sarah Palin is actually going to run for president, but she sure isn’t fading into the woodwork. TheDC’s Jeff Poor reports: “Many on the left and some on the right (most notably Karl Rove) have criticized Rick Perry for calling Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke’s monetary policy ‘treasonous.’ But not everyone disagrees with the Texas governor. Former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin is one example. On the Fox News Channel’s ‘America Live’ Thursday, Palin applauded Perry and chided President Obama for ignoring the American economy. ‘More power to Rick Perry for calling it like he saw it,’ Palin said. ‘What Rick Perry had to say is what I wrote 10 months ago about quantitative easing,’ she added. ‘What Rick Perry was talking about is what many of us have been talking about for many many months and that is the danger of now a QE3 program being put into place. And he used that type of rascal sort of rhetoric he uses there in Texas. And evidently the president took some issue to that. But, it’s evidence of our president’s arrogance, unfortunately, to tell a presidential candidate what to say, what not to say.'” Yeah, remember when Ari Fleischer told people to watch what they said right after 9/11, and our friends on the left threw a fit? But that was different because he was one of the bad guys. Well, it’s not like lefties are running short on reasons to hate Rick Perry, but “Sarah Palin agrees with him” goes right to the top of the list.

2.) Jon Huntsman finally says something interesting — Well. Sort of. TheDC’s Amanda Carey reports: “Jon Huntsman took to Twitter Thursday to ding Texas Governor Rick Perry for hedging on evolution. Along the rope line during a campaign event in New Hampshire, the Texas governor told a nine-year old that evolution is ‘a theory that’s out there, and it’s got some gas in it.’ The child was coached by his mother during the exchange, and the whole thing was caught on tape. ‘In Texas we teach both creationism and evolution in our public schools,’ Perry said before moving on. ‘Because I figure you’re smart enough to figure out which one is right.’ But on Twitter, Huntsman took a solid, unapologetic stance on evolution, even if it’s unorthodox for the party he’s hoping will make him its 2012 presidential nominee. ‘To be clear. I believe in evolution and trust scientists on global warming. Call me crazy,’ the former Utah governor wrote.” To be even clearer: Huntsman means he trusts the real scientists. Not the fake ones who’ve been hired to make Al Gore look bad. But one important question remains: As president, does Huntsman promise to lead a squadron of fighter jets to save us from the space aliens who are coming to destroy us for warming the globe? As for evolution, it’s very important for the President of the United States to have the correct opinion about it. For example, Obama obviously believes in natural selection. That’s why he’s making it as tough as possible for more and more Americans to find jobs. Survival of the fittest.

3.) Hot or not? There’s an app for that — Are you the sort of person who whines about minor annoyances, like your hard-earned money being taxed away and wasted on nanny-state b.s.? Then you might want to skip this one. TheDC’s Matthew Boyle reports: “President Barack Obama’s Department of Labor launched a new smartphone app last week that tells outdoor workers when it’s hot and humid outside. The DOL’s Occupational Safety and Health Administration’s new ‘Heat Safety Tool,’ designed for outdoor workers who are already outside, tells workers the temperature and humidity level of where they’re at. From that data, the app calculates the ‘heat index’ and ‘risk level’ for workers in the given location. Rick Manning of Americans for Limited Government, the group that first criticized OSHA’s new ‘Heat Safety Tool’ as a waste of taxpayer money, says the app doesn’t provide workers with any useful information that isn’t already common knowledge. Manning said Labor Secretary Hilda Solis is using taxpayer money to state the obvious to outdoor workers: it’s hot in the summer.” If you need a smartphone app to tell you it’s hot outside, while you’re outside, you’re qualified for government work. Now you just need an app that measures the moisture in the air surrounding your phone and tells you when to come in out of the rain.

4.) The voice of black America: Janeane Garofalo — If you’re not sure whether you’re a racist, a race-traitor, or a racist race-traitor, prepare to be straightened right out by former comedienne Janeane Garofalo. Recently the one-time would-be movie star took to the NYC cable-access program “Countdown with Keith Olbermann” to drop some more truth-bombs on the teabaggers. Jeff Poor reports: “Janeane Garofalo knows why long-shot Republican presidential candidate Herman Cain is in the 2012 race. Not to be elected, or to shine a bright light on issues he wants to advance. No, says Garofalo: He’s some sort of plant set up to insulate the GOP from charges of racism. ‘It’s actually not new,’ Garofalo said. ‘It’s from the first time I ever saw him, especially after the first Fox debate and Frank Luntz as you know, has zero credibility — has these alleged ‘just plain folks’ polls after these Fox debates — and he asked who won the debate. And he was just about to say raise your hand if you support and before he finished, everybody’s hand went up to support Herman Cain. So it seemed as if they had been coached to support Herman Cain. ‘I believe Herman Cain is in this presidential race because he deflects the racism that is inherent in the Republican Party, the conservative movement, the tea party certainly, and the last 30 years, the Republican Party has been moving more and more the right, also race-baiting more, gay-baiting more, religion-baiting more.'” And who’s been paying off Cain to run for president to deflect the Republican Party’s racism? Garofalo blames “the Koch Brothers or ALEC or Grover Norquist or anything. It could even be Karl Rove.” (Are we ruling out space aliens already?) She also thinks Cain might be suffering from Stockholm Syndrome. She’s covering all her bases. In sum: If you’re not black and you disagree with Obama, you’re a racist. If you’re black and you disagree with Obama, you’ve been paid off, brainwashed, or both. There can be no genuine, substantive disagreement with Obama or anyone else on the left about the issues, because that would just be crazy. And don’t forget that it’s racist to make bad-faith accusations against a black person who espouses policies you don’t like. Unless, of course, that black person is a Republican.

5.) Here’s why the lady became a tramp — Great news for fans of tedious dreck: more Sex and the City! TheDC’s Laura Donovan reports: “If you’ve been missing new ‘Sex and the City’ episodes since the show ended in 2004, you’re about to get lucky. According to Entertainment Weekly, HBO is searching for a network to carry a ‘Sex and the City’ prequel series, which would be based off author Candace Bushnell’s prequel novel, ‘The Carrie Diaries’… This news comes after several months of rumors on a possible prequel film or series based on the ‘The Carrie Diaries,’ which follows teenage Carrie Bradshaw before she becomes the iconic New York City sex columnist that we know from the racy television show. The book takes readers through Carrie’s senior year of high school, first serious relationship, thoughts on moving to the Big Apple and friendship betrayal.” No word yet on who will play Carrie back when she was just a filly, but all the best to whoever gallops away with the role. Break a fetlock!

6.) Today’s words of wisdom from Alec Baldwin’s carbon footprint — “Off go (sic) get out on the high seas today. Boat day! Enjoy these last, precious days of Summer.”

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