DC Trawler

TheDC Morning: Joe Biden tells the truth

1.) Joe Biden tells the truth — Yes, you read that right. TheDC’s Steven Nelson reports on this strange turn of events: “Vice President Joe Biden told Florida radio station WLRN on Thursday that voters should hold President Barack Obama, not former President George W. Bush, accountable for the poor state of America’s economy… ‘Right now, understandably — totally legitimate — this is a referendum on Obama and Biden and the nature of the state of the economy,’ Biden said… ‘Even though fifty-some percent of the American people think that the economy tanked because of the last administration, that’s not relevant,’ Biden stressed. ‘What’s relevant is we’re in charge. And right now we are the ones in charge and it’s gotten better, but it hasn’t gotten good enough. I don’t blame them for being mad. We’re in charge,’ Biden explained.” You might think Biden messed up and spoke out of turn, but this is actually a very clever strategy. You see, the widespread public perception is that Biden is a complete boob who’s incapable of saying something that’s not ridiculous. So you put him out there and make him say the obvious truth, and then people will assume it’s just silly ol’ Sheriff Joe being a knucklehead again. Obama is just that good.

2.) USPS: Union Slobs Perpetrating Sabotage — The United States Postal Service lost $10 billion this year. What better way to fix things than to harass their critics with petty pranks? TheDC’s Matthew Boyle reports: “In what appears to be an attempt to overwhelm their critics, postal union members have sent more than 100 pounds of mail to a tea party group advocating for United States Postal Service reform. Donna Keene of TheTeaParty.net told The Daily Caller the group receives its mail weekly, and that the onslaught so far has spanned two weeks. The first week, she said the union workers sent approximately 700 letters and delivered them in a box weighing 57 pounds. Then, this week, Keene said the workers doubled down on their efforts, bringing the total weight of the mail her group received to over 110 pounds. ‘I find the idea of the unions attacking a tea party group for simply supporting a bill that would make our whole country more efficient and that would lower the cost of the taxpayers’ yearly contributions to an inefficient agency, is just outrageous,’ Keene said in a phone interview… The bill the unions are adamantly opposing is USPS reform legislation proposed by House Oversight Committee Chairman Darrell Issa and GOP Rep. Dennis Ross. In a Daily Caller op-ed, Ross said the bill, HR 2309 or the Postal Reform Act of 2011, ‘would allow the Postal Service to restructure itself and reduce costs by removing unfunded mandates and costly regulations.'” Well, we certainly can’t have that. Back up the dumptruck, boys!

3.) Onion makes Capitol Police cry — You know what The Onion is, right? You know it’s a fake newspaper with a bunch of fake news, correct? Pat yourself on the back, then, because not everybody gets it. TheDC’s C.J. Ciaramella reports: “The Onion, a popular satirical news outlet, prompted a real-life reaction Thursday morning from U.S. Capitol Police when it ran with a fake story about a hostage situation in Congress. At around 10:45 a.m., The Onion tweeted: ‘witnesses reporting screams and gunfire heard inside Capitol building.’ Shortly after, The Onion tweeted: ‘Capitol building being evacuated. 12 children held hostage by group of armed congressmen.’ The message linked to a full story on the ‘hostage situation,’ complete with a doctored photo of Speaker of the House John Boehner holding a gun to the head of a small child. The joke, for those who don’t get it, is that congressional Democrats have been accusing GOP members of ‘holding Congress hostage’ for most of the year… The Capitol Police quickly responded to the rumors, saying in a statement: ‘It has come to our attention that recent Twitter feeds are reporting false information concerning current conditions at the U.S. Capitol.’ Capitol Police spokeswoman Sgt. Kimberly Schneider said, ‘Conditions at the U.S. Capitol are currently normal. There is no credibility to these stories or the twitter feeds. The U.S. Capitol Police are currently investigating the reporting.’ An Onion spokesperson told the Washington Post: ‘This is satire. That’s how it works.'” One thing their spokesperson forgot to add: Duh.

4.) State Dept. scandal deepens — TheDC has been bringing you the saga of corrupt State Dept. contractor Kathleen McGrade, and Matthew Boyle has the latest chapter: “Internal Revenue Service agents stormed the Fredericksburg, Va., home of former State Department contractor Kathleen McGrade on Thursday, The Daily Caller has learned. It was the second raid of the scandal-embroiled former State Department worker’s home in the past few weeks. On Sept. 15 officials from the State Department’s Office of the Inspector General also raided the Fredericksburg home. With the help of local sheriff’s deputies, IRS agents entered the house at about 2:45 p.m, neighbors tell TheDC. ‘The alarm is blaring,’ one neighbor told TheDC, adding that the authorities ‘have a large truck in the street with large-sized men apparently getting ready to haul off seized property…’ McGrade was a contractor working for the State Department’s office of Overseas Building Operations. She handled disbursement of millions of dollars in taxpayer money, and facilitated the award of more than $52 million in contracts to her husband Brian Collinsworth’s company, the Sterling Royale Group. Collinsworth previously denied during a phone call with TheDC that he was married to McGrade.” Which makes it even funnier that they put their wedding photos on Myspace. They would’ve gotten away with it, too, if it weren’t for those meddling kids and their 30 seconds of Googling.

5.) Fey gets paid — You know what pays really good money? Starring in a bottom-rated sitcom on NBC! TheDC’s Laura Donovan reports: “Tina Fey — the comedian who famously impersonated former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin during the 2008 presidential election cycle — and Eva Longoria — the ‘Desperate Housewives’ bombshell — make more money than any other females in television. Compiling a list of the ten best-paid women in television, Forbes tied the two actresses Monday. Fey, a 41-year-old mother of two, writes for, and stars in, sitcom ’30 Rock.’ Longoria portrays the emotionally troubled Gabriella Marquez on the ABC drama ‘Desperate Housewives.’ The A-listers both cashed in $13 million between May 2010 and May 2011. Fey and Longoria may earn big bucks, but that doesn’t mean their shows are insanely popular. With unimpressive ratings and the likelihood that star Alec Baldwin will flee the series, the 5-year-old program could be in its final stretch. Fey has even griped that her Palin performance decreased ’30 Rock’ viewership.” Well, that’s one explanation for the show’s awful ratings. Another, more accurate explanation is that it’s “30 Rock.”

6.) Today’s words of wisdom from Alec Baldwin’s Truther… er… Twitter feed — “I am struck by how all these right-wingers get their right-wing ‘alerts’ so they can do the white..er…’right’ thing.”

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