DC Trawler

Ben & Jerry & Dread & Malice

After a long night of screaming at the top of your lungs, blocking traffic, and pushing old ladies down the stairs, there’s nothing more refreshing than some delicious ice cream. That’s why this is happening today, according to Occupy DC:

It’s a beautiful day!

At 2:30 this afternoon we invite the public to a barbecue on the lawn of McPherson Square. Then, at 3:30, Ben and Jerry of Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream will be here giving out ice cream!

“Hey, hey! Ho, ho! Let’s reward these hoodlums, yo!”

I want to help, Ben. I’m at your service, Jerry. As long as you’re going to positively reinforce this ongoing show of intimidation, thuggishness, and general filth-caked depravity, you might as well have some fun with it. Here are a few new Ben & Jerry flavors to pay tribute to the Occupy movement:

  • Academia Nut Crunch
  • Berry Soetoro
  • Boston Crack Pipe
  • Chunky Commie
  • Corporate Creep, Gimme Dough
  • Crème Brûtalitée
  • Fatcat Femur Crunch
  • Grubby Hubby
  • Inti-Mint-Ation Tactics
  • No Grape Zone
  • No Justice, No Peanuts
  • Pepper Spray Mint
  • Sensual Assault
  • Slum Raisin
  • Strawberry Cheeserape
  • Taken into Custardy
  • This Is What Obesity Looks Like
  • Tutti Zuccotti

Do you have an idea for a new flavor? Check out #OccupyBenAndJerryFlavors on Twitter. Yay!

P.S. Another fun hashtag game: #QuestionsYouDontHaveToAskTeaPartiers

  • “Would you please stop trying to rape me?”
  • “Is this the line for the free lice combs?”
  • “Are you done pushing old ladies down the stairs tonight, or is this gonna be a thing?”
  • “Who pays your iPhone bill?”
  • “I’m not judging you or anything, but could you please stop blowing your crack smoke in my face?”
  • “Whose poop is this?”