DC Trawler

TheDC Morning: Newsweek finally gives up on you

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1.) Jon Huntsman was running for president? — Apparently. President of the United States. Weird, right? But now the dream is over for the Vermin Supreme of the Republican Party, as TheDC’s Jamie Weinstein reports:

“Former Utah Governor Jon Huntsman has informed advisers that he will end his presidential campaign Monday and endorse former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney, The New York Times reported. Early in his candidacy, Huntsman decided to pin his electoral hopes on New Hampshire. After essentially moving to the Granite State to campaign, Huntsman was only able to come in a distant third place to Romney and Texas Rep. Ron Paul in the first in the nation primary on Jan. 10. Huntsman vowed to move on to compete in South Carolina’s Jan. 21 primary, but he did not seem to be gaining any traction in the Palmetto State despite the endorsement Sunday of South Carolina’s largest newspaper, The State. The Huntsman campaign blasted that news out via email Sunday afternoon. ‘Once again with this major endorsement of Governor Huntsman our momentum is building,’ the email read.”

Yep. Right off a cliff. Well, at least Jon “Did you know I speak Chinese?” Huntsman gave it his best cash. And we’ll always have the mildly amusing YouTube videos from his daughters.

Look on the bright side, everybody: Huntsman 2020!

2.) Romney and Gingrich sittin’ in a tree, S-Q-U-A-B-B-L-I-N-G — What else is going on in the neverending hell that is Election 2012? Romney and Gingrich are clawing away at each other, that’s probably newsworthy, isn’t it? TheDC’s Alex Pappas reports:

“Now that Newt Gingrich plans to release his tax returns for the public to see, his campaign is taunting former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney to do the same. Through Twitter, Gingrich’s press secretary R.C. Hammond on Sunday asked a Romney spokeswoman, ‘What day this week works for Governor Romney to release his tax returns?’ In the message to Romney spokeswoman Andrea Saul, Hammond added: ‘We are free any day ending in y.'”

Mee-ouch. You go, Ms. Gingrich! But it’s a fair point. Romney should promise to release his tax returns just as soon as Obama releases his college transcripts. Or would that be racist?

Gingrich also got booed this weekend for criticizing Romney at a South Carolina event where the candidates weren’t supposed to mention each other. Which seems like a weird rule. How are you supposed to talk about why you’re better than the other guy without mentioning the other guy?

3.) Newsweek finally gives up on you — Look, Newsweek has put up with you until now, it really has, but you’ve tested Newsweek’s patience for the last time. You are simply intolerable, and Newsweek is sick of it. Sick of you. Alex Pappas reports:

“If you’re a critic of President Obama, Newsweek apparently doesn’t think you are smart. The magazine on Sunday posted an image of this week’s cover story that poses the question: ‘Why Are Obama’s Critics So Dumb?’ The magazine’s Twitter account posted this message: ‘Presenting this week’s cover: President Barack Obama! In which we ask, why are his critics so dumb? Newsstands Monday.’ Liberal commentator Andrew Sullivan is the author of the story.”

So you can just find some other magazine to buy from now on, you dumb wingnuts. Oh, you haven’t been? Not for years? Decades? Fine, then, even better. Newsweek doesn’t need the likes of you smudging up its pages with your stupid grubby fingers. Go on, then. Newsweek never liked you anyway. Get out of Newsweek’s sight! Go!

4.) Obama lied, Solyndra died — Remember Solyndra? Obama would prefer if you didn’t. TheDC’s Matthew Boyle reports:

“Newly surfaced confidential documents show credit agency Standard and Poor’s considered Beacon Power — a now-bankrupt green energy storage company — a risky investment, even with the $43 million loan guarantee President Barack Obama’s Energy Department was planning to, and eventually did give the company. The documents, first obtained by CBS News investigative correspondent Sharyl Attkisson, show how the Department of Energy’s (DOE) Jonathan Silver — the now-former loan guarantee program administrator – asked Standard and Poor’s to conduct a credit analysis prior to investing taxpayer money in Beacon Power. Silver resigned in mid-October 2011 as congressional inquiries into the DOE loan guarantee program heated up following the loss of $528 million of taxpayer money to solar panel manufacturer Solyndra when it went bankrupt. Solyndra received the first-ever loan guarantee under the program, and was the first to go bankrupt. At least four more loan guarantee recipients have filed for bankruptcy in Solyndra’s wake, and other recipients have shown signs of financial weakness. In the case of Beacon Power, even if the company ended up receiving the DOE loan guarantee, Standard and Poor’s analysis indicated it still wouldn’t be a smart investment. The credit agency’s ratings services division assigned Beacon Power a ‘CCC+’ Final Rating.”

Oh, what the heck. It’s only half a billion in taxpayer dollars. What difference does it make to Obama? It’s not his money.

Can it really be considered an “investment” when the “investors” — taxpayers — have no say in the matter?

5.) The Orifice — And now for today’s bottom story: The Golden Globes were last night, and Ricky Gervais hosted. Ooooh, what did that impish little bad boy say this time? Jamie Weinstein has Gervais’s top 5 funniest jokes, which should give you an idea what the rest of them must’ve been like. Here’s one:

“For our next category we have two presenters. One is in a huge international hit, ‘Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol.’ The second, as we’ve heard, made her mark in comedy this summer by defecating into a sink. Amazingly, that’s still less demeaning than what most of you have done to make it in show business.”

Which is less of a joke than a fact. Okay, let’s try another one…

“Our next presenter is the Queen of Pop. Not you, Elton. Sit down.”

Did you know Elton John is gay? You do now. Nice work, Ricky. We’ll see you next year! Or somebody will, anyway.

6.) Today’s words of wisdom from Alec Baldwin’s Twitter feed — “What should my next career be? Easy, now…” (Anger management counselor?)

VIDEO: Perry thinks Obama has “disdain for the military,” so at least we know he keeps up with current events

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