I probably haven’t watched any type of Hollywood awards ceremony since I was five, but after seeing YouTube clips of British comedian Ricky Gervais’s performance hosting the Golden Globes last year and bashing those in attendance, I figured it may be worthwhile to watch his encore performance this year.
How wrong I was.
Gervais didn’t bring his A-game tonight, but here are his five best quips anyway:
5) “For our next category we have two presenters. One is in a huge international hit, ‘Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol.’ The second, as we’ve heard, made her mark in comedy this summer by defecating into a sink. Amazingly, that’s still less demeaning than what most of you have done to make it in show business.”
4) “Our next presenter is the Queen of Pop. Not you, Elton [John]. Sit down. She’s all woman.”
3) “Tonight you get Britain’s biggest comedian, hosting the world’s second biggest awards show, on America’s third biggest network. Sorry, is it? Four. It’s four.”
2) Speaking of Colin Firth: “What you don’t know about him is he’s very racist. Very. I mean, really nasty stuff. Also, I’ve seen him punch a little blind kitten.”
1) “Who needs the Oscars? Not me — and not Eddie Murphy. He walked out on ‘em. He said ‘no.’ Good for him. But when the man who said ‘yes’ to ‘Norbit’ says ‘no’ to you, you know you’re in trouble.”