DC Trawler

Roseanne Barr: “I admit I need help”

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But it’s not what you think. Probably.

Politico:

Comedian Roseanne Barr, running for president as a Green Party candidate, isn’t too keen on her early fundraising prospects.

“I admit I need help,” Barr told POLITICO via Twitter.

And with good reason: Since formally launching her bid in early February, Barr raised just $31,500 through March 31, federal disclosures out today show.

Of that, $25,000 came from a loan Barr made to her campaign on March 1.

The Secret Service has a tough enough job, in between trysts with whores, protecting their charges from human attackers. Under a Barr administration, they’d also have to defend her against the bugs under her skin and the giant vampire bats only she can see. Not to mention the logistical and public-relations problems of lining the Oval Office walls with rubber.