DC Trawler

I Can Haz Skynet?

If you’re reading this, that means there’s still time. The war against the machines has begun. CNET reports:

Google scientists working in the company’s secretive X Labs have made great strides in using computers to simulate the human brain.

Best known for inventing self-driving cars and augmented-reality eyewear, the lab created a neural network for machine learning by connecting 16,000 computer processors and then unleashed it on the Internet. Along the way, the network taught itself to recognize cats…

To find the cats, the team fed the network thumbnail images chosen at random from more than 10 billion YouTube videos. The results appeared to support biologists’ theories that suggest that neurons in the brain are trained to identify specific objects.

“We never told it during the training, ‘This is a cat,'” Google fellow Jeff Dean told the newspaper. “It basically invented the concept of a cat.”

That’s how it starts. It’s cute at first. “Oh, look, it likes kitty-cats!” Then, before you know it, you’ve got HAL 9000. Skynet. Freaking Nomad.

Can’t happen here, you say? That’s what Nurse Chapel said, friend. That’s what Nurse Chapel said.

I hope our new machine overlords try to wipe out all the cats for their imperfections first, giving humans time to mount a counteroffensive. Sorry, cat-lovers, but those little creeps aren’t our friends either:

Today they’re standing upright. Tomorrow they’re forming crude weapons. The day after that…?

Cats vs. robots. With mankind in the middle. Wake up, people of Earth!