Democrats sure are funny

Fred J. Eckert Contributor
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If Democrats proved anything at their national convention, it’s that they’re really, really funny — but not intentionally.

They made us simultaneously laugh and scratch our heads in bewilderment when a clear majority of the assembled delegates voted against and booed a motion to restore a reference to God in the party platform. In Charlotte, Democrats were against God before they were for him.

We chuckled when they claimed that the reason they were moving Obama’s acceptance speech indoors was not because they couldn’t fill enough seats at Bank of America Stadium, but because — all weather forecasts to the contrary — they feared that lightning might strike the stadium. But come to think of it, having decided to drop any reference to God from their platform, perhaps they really should have been worried about getting struck by lightning.

And wasn’t Bill Clinton funny? You couldn’t help but laugh when he asked the Democrats in that densely packed convention hall if they thought the country was better off now than it was four years ago and they all stood up and thunderously shouted, “Yes!”

I’m not sure if Bill saw the irony in it, but those Democrats he was telling that no one could have turned things around by now are the very same folks who four years ago were incessantly screaming, “Yes, we can! Yes, we can!” Perhaps the Obama campaign should replace that chant with this one for 2012: “You should have known that we couldn’t.”

Didn’t you get a kick out of the way Clinton wagged his finger at us the same way he once did when he looked straight into the camera lens and lied to the American people about Monica Lewinsky? It was like a subliminal signal that what he was saying was a total crock.

Loudly booing the idea of mentioning God in their platform and aggressively pretending that we are now all better off than we were pre-Barack — what a hilarious way to get across their message that it’s Mitt Romney and the Republicans who are out of touch with real Americans.

Going into it, I thought the biggest laugh I’d get watching the Democratic convention would be listening to Sandra Fluke. There is, you have to admit, something truly funny about a 30-year-old law student who portrays herself as both a victim and a heroine by whining that other people, especially Republicans and Catholics, need to be forced to pay for her birth control. Why, they even make her endure the insensitive suggestion that she use some of her own funds that she so desperately needs for her vacations in Spain and Italy!

Sandra, remember, was the victim whose story inspired Democrats to proclaim they would use their national convention to eliminate any doubt about which party is waging a “war on women.”

You knew the Democrats were really on a roll when it occurred to them that there could be no better way to demonstrate their love of women than by having Barack Obama nominated by the only U.S. president to be credibly accused of rape.

And what woman wouldn’t be comforted by a political party staging a slick video tribute to a U.S. senator who fled the scene while the woman he was with was drowning, walked past two lit-up houses without stopping to call for help, returned to a party in search of someone to take the rap for him and then swam back to his motel where he attempted to establish an alibi suggesting he was not at the scene as the young woman was slowly, painfully dying.

Speaking of their convention videos, what a hoot it was to watch the one pronouncing that “government is the only thing we all belong to.”

But give the Democrats credit for upstaging the Republicans in the mystery department. When the Republicans tried to bring in a mystery speaker to their convention, their secret got out in no time. But so far no one has stepped forward to solve the mystery of why a reference to God, and also a reference to Democrats recognizing Jerusalem as the capital of Israel, suddenly vanished from the Democratic Party platform.

The party’s always-good-for-a-laugh leader, Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman Schultz, told the media, “I can assure you that no one has deliberately taken God out of our platform.” The chairman of the platform committee, a former governor and ordained minister, maintains that he, too, has no idea what happened here, as do all other members of that committee and all other party officials. The poor Democrats are simply innocent victims.

God help us. Neither the Democrats nor the media will ever explain to you why the word “God” disappeared from the Democratic platform, so I will.

“God” is the word that Christians and Jews use. “Allah” is the word that Muslims use. Today’s Democrats worship multi-culturalism. There are a number of Muslim delegates at their convention. Today’s Democrats fear few things as much as they fear the possibility that someone might accuse them of not being “sensitive” or “inclusive.” So they decided to delete the word “God,” thinking they would please everyone because, after all, they used the word “faith” a few times and, well, no one of any faith uses a different word for “faith.”

It’s just the way they think. It’s both funny ha-ha and funny strange. That muddle-minded thinking along with the manner in which they dealt with its consequences suggests that they’re morons.

Fred J. Eckert, author of the new book, “That’s a Crock, Barack,” is a former conservative Republican Congressman from New York and twice served as a U.S. Ambassador (to the U.N. and to Fiji) under President Reagan, who called him “a good friend and valuable advisor.” He’s retired and lives with his wife in Raleigh, N.C.