Top ten: Bizarre hurricane weather report videos [SLIDESHOW]

David Martosko Executive Editor

In case you hadn’t heard, there’s a humongoid mass of swirling weather making its way up the East Coast of the U.S. And wherever extreme weather goes, crazy (and sometimes idiotic) meteorologists are sure to follow.

We plumbed the depths of YouTube to find the ten pre-Sandy hurricane newscasts we’re hoping no one repeats this week.

#10. Joe Scarborough goes out in 103-mph winds, impersonates mime

Leave it to MSNBC’s original Morning Joe to show us the wrong way to stand upright as Hurricane Irene pummels his body. We can only imagine what Mika Brzezinski was saying as this 2011 storm bent him into a diagonal position outside a TV station in West Palm Beach, Fla.

#9. Calm winds during a live shot? Just fake it!

This. Is. CNN. Or at least it was CNN meteorologist Rob Marciano, showing viewers how to spin a so-so storm into a major news event. Hurricane Irene was no slouch, of course, but during this live shot in Long Beach, N.Y. the winds weren’t exactly the stuff of high drama. So while tourists walked calmly in the background, Marciano gave an Oscar-worthy performance. “It’s been truly remarkable … to watch the power of the ocean here,” he says. Tell that to the onlooker who casually leaned over the guard rail to have a better look.

#8. When you get tired of telling people to stay indoors, just wait for the moon to rise 

Weather Channel reporter Eric Fisher tried to persuade viewers in Virginia Beach, Va. to avoid braving the storm during Hurricane Irene’s landfall. One guy, probably too drunk to watch TV, didn’t get the message and dropped his swim trunks during the broadcast. “To be honest, I’m pretty much speechless,” he said. “It’s just setting a bad example.”

#7. Someone tell Mary Jane he’s off his meds again

WVEC-TV13 reporter Velma Scaife saw something strange blow in with Hurricane Irene in 2011. “The visibility is extremely poor,” she told viewers from a sandy beach. “What is very visible, though, out here at Buckroe Beach is — Spider Man. Yep. Spider Man.”

Or at least some dude in a head-to-toe Spidey outfit, fresh from surfing. “No, I really shouldn’t be out there,” he told Scaife. “I’m not being very smart today.”

#6. I’ve got your hurricane, right here!

When Rebekka Schramm went to work at CBS-TV46 in Atlanta one fine day to report on Hurricane Ike in 2008, she never counted on this guy. Two middle fingers and one grabbed-crotch later, it was “Back to you in the studio!” No word on whether his name was actually Ike.

#5. Rule number one: Keep the microphone dry

Sometimes hurricanes produce ocean waves, so venturing too close during a live remote might not be the best idea. Someone tell this reporter from News12 in Long Island. She found out the hard way during Hurricane Irene. At least she was wearing a raincoat.

#4. Rule number two: Soaked cameras tell no tales

Hurricane Isabel in 2003 ravaged North Carolina’s outer banks, as Weather Channel reporter Jim Cantore’s cameraman found out. Do $10,000 video rigs come with a money-back guarantee?

#3. “This is my last report, because it’s my bedtime!”

“Please stay inside, otherwise you might blow away,” said 5-year-old Jane Hubbard, playing “reporter” from her backyard in Doylestown, Penn. during Hurricane Irene. This, by the way, is not a good thing to expose your children to. This means you, Snooki.

#2. Who let the cast of “Wayne’s World” back on the beach?

Pity this poor MSNBC weather reporter who found out during the run-up to Hurricane Isaac that they let sex-starved adolescent boys on the beach. Hilarity ensued. In their defense, they were probably shocked to see an MSNBC reporter talking about something serious.

#1. “Tucker, we’ve never seen anything like this.”

“Our chief meteorologist back at the station said that it’s some sort of organic batter,” Washington D.C. Fox 5 reporter Tucker Barnes found himself saying during Hurricane Irene. He was covered from head to toe in what appeared to be gloppy, nasty sea foam. “I guess plankton or something, mixed in with sand and salt. I can tell you firsthand that it doesn’t smell great.” Another network later said the substance was “probably the remnants of raw sewage.”

We presume Tucker went from the Ocean City, Md. boardwalk directly to a hot shower. And a stiff drink.

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