TheDC Morning

TheDC Morning: A clown letter that embarrasses clowns

Jamie Weinstein Senior Writer
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1.) A clown letter that embarrasses clowns — Influential people actually signed the letter TheDC’s Will Rahn reports on:

“A group of conservative leaders have signed a letter demanding that a Republican political consultant be fired for calling the relatively undistinguished scion of a prominent political family a ‘hater.’ Jonathan Collegio, a spokesman for the Karl Rove-affiliated political advocacy group, used the epithet when discussing L. Brent Bozell, the nephew of former Sen. James Buckley and deceased National Review founder William F. Buckley, during an appearance on a local radio show Wednesday. The letter, which is being circulated by the Washington, D.C. based public relations shop Shirley & Banister, calls Bozell ‘a beloved and critically important player in American history.’ Bozell is primarily famous through his Media Research Center blog, occasional appearances on television, and trademark bright-red beard. … The letter also implicitly argues that Bozell should not be criticized because many members of his family were important conservative figures at one point. ‘Mr. Bozell is what we call in our movement a legacy,’ it reads.”

Excellent point. TheDC Morning suggests all conservative commentators and spokespeople who have criticized Ron Reagan Jr. also be fired because he is what we call a “legacy.” Whatever you think of L. Brent Bozell, he is not a “critically important player in American history.” He’s not even an important player. He’s a current player who won’t be long remembered by history, like most of us. The only person who should be fired is the person who wrote this letter. It’s a parody of a parody. That 25 influential conservative leaders signed on to such a clown letter provides the best evidence yet that some of the movement’s leaders are painfully out of touch with America, if not reality.

2.) University gone wild — Brown University’s student health plan is pretty comprehensive, reports TheDC’s Eric Owens:

“Students at Brown University who decide they want to change their genders will now be covered under the school’s generous student health insurance plan. Beginning in August, Brown’s student health insurance plan will pay for over a dozen different sexual reassignment surgery procedures including scrotoplasty, labiaplasty, clitoroplasty and placement of testicular prostheses, reports The Brown Daily Herald. The plan as currently configured will cover only students, not staff.”

This raises an obvious and significant cultural question: There are really over a dozen different sexual reassignment surgery procedures?

3.) Matt Labash, wedding planner — There is very little that TheDC’s Matt Labash cannot do when he is sober, including wedding planning. Unfortunately, there are no accounts of him ever being sober. Consider that when you weigh his advice on what music should and should not be played at weddings:

“Don’t select any Chris Brown numbers, unless the values you want to celebrate at your wedding are bad taste and wife-beating. Specifically that bane of every ‘viral’ wedding, Brown’s tune ‘Forever,’ which started the showboat wedding-dance production. Just as bad are those awful ‘remix’ dances, the ones that require the couple to begin with something slow and staid, until a newer, funkier song comes on. At which time you and your groom pull sunglasses from your bridal cleavage, and prove what horrible sheeple you are, as you obediently sniff the anal pheromones of the throngs of halfwits who have preceded you, all of whom upload videos of themselves gyrating like asses on the most important day of their lives. It wasn’t funny the first time. It’s much less funny by the ten thousandth. If you’re contemplating any song that requires choreography, don’t.”

You’ve got to give Labash some credit for coming out as anti-Chris Brown. That takes guts. See the rest of his wedding advice. It’s not only good, it’s wildly entertaining.

4.) READ THIS OR YOU MIGHT BE DRONED! — Since the leak of the DOJ memo on drone strikes, Americans have been afraid. But TheDC’s Peter Tucci has analyzed the memo and come up with four ways for Americans to avoid being droned (if it is not a verb, it is now). Among his recommendations:

Don’t be accused of terrorism: This is easier said than done. The federal government has a track record of falsely accusing people of terrorism. Because due process isn’t necessarily extended to accused terrorists, it’s important not to be accused of terrorism in the first place. We recommend the following precautions: steer clear of mosques; make sure your fingerprints don’t match those of actual terrorists (and if they do, consider having them surgically altered); don’t annoy flight attendants; don’t operate websites that terrorists might post on; and don’t travel to the Middle East or South Asia unless doing so is absolutely necessary.”

See the other suggestions. They just may save your life.

5.) Tweet of Yesterday — David Burge: If the government approves a USAir-American merger, more proof they’ve reinstated torture of imprisoned Americans.

6.) Today in North Korean News — BREAKING: “Kim Jong Un Receives Floral Basket, Congratulatory Letter from Iranian Ambassador”

VIDEO: Speaking about gun control, Chris Rock said Americans should do what Obama — “your dad” — wants 

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Jamie Weinstein