Will the sequester affect the federally funded study of duck penises?
We now know that maintaining White House tours is less of a priority than funding live music at Delaware wineries and iPhone apps about the history of the Civil War in Tennessee. These things are indisputably important. Your tax money is being spent wisely.
But what about duck dicks?
The National Science Foundation (NSF) has awarded a $384,949 grant to Yale University for a study on “Sexual Conflict, Social Behavior and the Evolution of Waterfowl Genitalia”, according to the recovery.gov website.
The grant description says,“The project examines how reproductive morphology covaries with season, age, and social environment in a diverse sample of duck species that differ in ecology, territoriality and breeding system.”
The grant was made available through the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act, better known as the stimulus package…
Many duck penises are cork-screw shaped and some scientists believe this is because of a form of evolution known as “sexual conflict”.
Literally. Ouch. No wonder Daffy and Donald are always so ticked off.
That reminds me of a joke:
A duck walks into a bar and asks, “Got any grapes?”
The bartender says no. The duck thanks him and leaves.
The duck comes back the next day. “Got any grapes?”
“No,” says the bartender. “Just like I told you yesterday. No grapes.” The duck thanks him and waddles off.
Next day, the duck comes back. “Got any grapes?”
The bartender says, “No. Look, we don’t serve grapes. We never have, and we never will. Understand?” The duck thanks him and goes away again.
The next day, the duck returns. Before he even opens his beak, the bartender yells: “Listen, you stupid duck, this is a bar! We don’t serve grapes! If you ask for grapes one more time, I’ll nail your corkscrew-shaped penis to the bar!”
The duck thinks about this for a minute. Then he asks, “Got any nails?”
“Good! Got any grapes?”
You’re welcome. That’ll be $384,949.