DC Trawler

Did boxing turn Tamerlan Tsarnaev into a terrorist?

Well, no. But that’s not stopping the young hopefuls at “Think” “Progress” from clinging to any shred of evidence that points away from a truth they can’t face:

Could the amateur boxing career of Tamerlan Tsarnaev, the deceased suspect in last week’s Boston Marathon bombings, have had a role in the massacre? That’s a question leading brain researchers at Boston University’s School of Medicine hope medical examiners look into when they perform an autopsy of the 26-year-old who was killed during a firefight with law enforcement officials early Friday morning.

Tsarnaev was a champion boxer who qualified for the national Golden Gloves competition and had once had dreams of qualifying for the U.S. Olympic team. That abbreviated career has led Drs. Robert Cantu and Robert Stern to urge examiners to study his brain for signs of chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE), the degenerative brain disease found in boxers since the 1920s that has received renewed attention because it was found in the brains of former football players. Though both doctors doubt that CTE caused the behavior that led to the bombings…

Oh, they doubt it? Good, that saves me the trouble of trying to think of other boxers who’ve become terrorists. (Does Tyson count?)

If you describe this piece of garbage as a “Muslim terrorist,” you’re maligning all Muslims. But if you describe this piece of garbage as an “ex-boxer and terrorist,” you’re not maligning all ex-boxers.

Because that would just be silly. Ex-boxers trying to turn themselves into the victims? Get outta here!

As for Tamerlan’s little brother? That wuss doesn’t look like he could beat up Honey Boo Boo. Although he’s almost as good as her at driving a car.

I think we can rule out the boxing angle, “Think” “Progress.” But hang in there. You’ll think of something.

P.S. Thanks to Amanda Palmer for the continuing inspiration.

P.P.S. If you still have a subscription to Time for some reason, read this.