Ever since disgraced IRS official Lois G. Lerner’s May 10 apology for improperly scrutinizing conservative nonprofit groups between 2010 and 2012, the American news media has introduced us to America’s most beloved band of misfits: IRS agents. (Fun fact: IRS agent John Carpenter was the first contestant to win the jackpot on “Who Wants to be a Millionaire!”)
IRS agents sure are a loveable sort, working in their offices in places like Cincinnati, being all “understaffed” and “underfunded.”
Some of them even make this silly little gaffe – a rounding error, really – where they audit conservative groups during an election year and demand that the groups hand over their training materials and other information.
So what if the Treasury Inspector General’s report into the exploding IRS scandal mentions the involvement of Washington-based “guidance specialists” and “technical specialists?” So what if the program manager of the Cincinnati office answered to six different Washington superiors (page 29 of the report)?
It’s not like the Obama administration knew about it or anything. No, sir, these were just a bunch of wacky mid-level office workers making the same exact mistake in at least five different locations around the country. After all, even the IRS told us that “rogue agents” were responsible for the entire silly affair.
The Daily Caller presents an extensive look at five of the different “rogue” IRS offices that targeted conservative nonprofit groups between 2010 and 2012, and the zany casts of characters that populate each. This is our theory of how it all happened:
As soon as the uptight new “determinations unit program manager” arrives at the freewheeling Cincinnati IRS office responsible for overseeing tax-exempt nonprofit organizations, he can tell he’s in for some hijinks.
Rife with “confusion” and “staff troubles,” according to the New York Times, the Cincinnati office is choc full of characters who have no idea if “Tea Party” and “Patriot” are conservative groups or just guitar bands they saw last night down at Tony’s pub!
Whether dealing with a bombshell blonde secretary who insists on putting all the conservative applications together in one big pile (Loni Anderson) or putting out office fires started by bleary-eyed late-night determinations specialist “Dr. Johnny Fever,” Andy finds he often has some explaining to do with his “rulings and agreements” director back in Washington.
Sure, the New York Times called them “Low-level employees in what many in the I.R.S. consider a backwater.” But who knows…they just might pull off their yearly audits in time after all.
Seen-it-all IRS official Harry T. Stone and the night owls at the IRS Baltimore office figured they’d really stepped in it when they audited the conservative Virginia-based Leadership Institute and ended up demanding the group’s training materials and personal information about the group’s college-aged interns. In the aftermath of Daily Caller reporting, will Dan and Phil be able to cook up a scheme to save the day? (Spoiler: sassy security guard Gloria makes off with the documents in the end and blackmails her way to a week-long paid vacation).
Chicago IRS official Larry Appleton has it all: a successful career, a beautiful fiance, and a brand new condo. Oh, did we mention Larry’s long-lost cousin “Balki” (Bronson Pinchot) has just arrived from the Mediterranean island of Mypos and plans on moving in? Let’s just say Balki doesn’t speak very good English.
The next thing you know, Larry’s whole IRS office is harassing a pro-life group with “an intrusive investigation.”
Can Larry survive at the Internal Revenue Service with his cousin Balki in tow?
Boozy old IRS official Jack Albertson never liked keeping up with the times, and he never liked meeting new people. So imagine his surprise when a cheery young man named “Chico” shows up to his office and asks for an auditing job.
But when Chico’s mistakes end up in the local California papers, the IRS suits in Washington are the ones getting the angry phone calls.
Will Chico and “The Man” make for good business partners? Or will they end up providing “horrible customer service“?