Sports

By the beard of Zeus! Bruins likely to win Stanley Cup Finals, thanks to beard power

Paxton Delany Contributor

With the Boston Bruins leading the Stanley Cup Finals 2-1, Wednesday’s game is — of course — highly anticipated.

A time honored tradition of the Cup Finals is a “playoff beard,” which have been in great supply for the last three games.

A beard is a sacred facial marking of great power. It is given to a blessed few, chosen by the gods. It is a powerful object of persuasion, allowing lesser men to bend to the will of the beard holder.

Players grow a beard during playoffs as a superstitious practice. NHL fans are encouraged to do the same, all-the-while raising money for charity.

The better the beard, the greater the power of persuasion. Boston has the best beards, according to the Beard-a-thon website. The Bruins are in first place with a whopping $108,526 dollar pledged to charity, while the Chicago Blackhawks are down in fifth place with $16,770 dollars.

The Blackhawks already appear to have less beard power on their side. The less beard power a team has, the likelier they are to lose tonight’s game.

When watching tonight’s game, be in awe of the beard power.

Don’t fear the beard. Embrace it.

Watch 

Beard on my friends, beard on!