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1.) What the duck!!!? — Pro-tip: Don’t get on the wrong side of Tammy Duckworth by pretending you served your country in the military because you went to a military prep school for one year. TheDC’s Caroline May reports:
“At a House oversight hearing Wednesday on ‘questionable contracting practices at IRS,’ Illinois Democratic Rep. Tammy Duckworth hammered an IRS contractor for claiming a suspect veterans disability to get a competitive advantage for his business. Duckworth, an Iraq War veteran and double amputee eviscerated Braulio Castillo, the CEO of Strong Castle, Inc., who used an injury he sustained at a military prep school to qualify for a veterans disability, 27 years after the fact. ‘I’m sorry that twisting your ankle in [prep] school has now come back to hurt you in such a painful way — if not also opportune for you to gain the status for your business as you were trying to compete for contracts,’ Duckworth said. … ‘Twisting your ankle in prep school is not defending or serving this nation, Mr. Castillo,’ she concluded.”
Watch the video. It. Is. Awesome.
2.) Rush to slush — The Senate is racing to pass an immigration bill. Perhaps the Senate should take its time, because the House says it plans to take its sweet time on the issue. TheDC’s Alexis Levinson reports:
“House Republicans do not appear to be feeling any pressure to take up immigration reform, despite efforts by supporters of the comprehensive immigration reform bill to pressure the House to take up the bill that many House Republicans find unpalatable. … The House will instead begin its own process, and Judiciary Committee Chairman Bob Goodlatte has indicated that he favors working on a series of smaller bills, rather than one comprehensive bill. Not taking up the Senate bill eliminates the possibility of the House and Senate going to conference on an immigration bill, which could come out looking much more like the Senate bill that many House Republicans dislike. ‘That’s what many of us are concerned about,’ Fleming said, saying that was why leadership had said they would not take up the Senate bill.”
3.) Crying on television can apparently get you far — Glenn Beck reportedly makes more than Oprah. The end of the world is nigh. TheDC’s Jamie Weinstein writes:
“Conservative personalities Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity all made Forbes magazine’s 2013 list of the 100 most powerful celebrities — the only political celebrities, left or right, to do so. Among the three, Beck led the way. Forbes estimated that he earned a staggering $90 million dollars over the last 12 months, more than even Oprah Winfrey, who earned an estimated $77 million and took the top spot on Forbes’ list.”
TheDC Morning is a very skeptical entity. It wants to see Glenn Beck’s books.
4.) Ask a Daily Caller commenter — Not every publication would do this. But we did. TheDC’s Will Rahn channels a Daily Caller commenter answering a question about, well, frankly it doesn’t even matter what the question is about. It has nothing do with our faux commenter’s answer:
“Dear Pondering, WE THE PEOPLE are tired of THIS CRAP!!!1! When will the LIBS and COMRADE OBOZO realize we are NOT THERE SLAVES? We’re living in the 4TH REICH under Obamao…Its sick twisted and WRONG to think that where just going to TAKE IT 4ever… I dont get how Nixon got IMPEACHED but noone can touch HUSSEIN O and his MUSLIM bro. Eric FAST AND FURIOUS Holder and co. DOES ANY1 even REMEMBER BENGHZI? Tired of MEDIA BLACKwash of THESE CRIMES…NSA IRS AGENDA 21 FT HOOD and UNCONSTITUTIONAL SEX OFFENDER REGISTRY!!!x”
This satire is so good that if you don’t click on the link to read it you should be ashamed.
6.) Today in North Korean News — BREAKING: “Greetings to President of Djibouti”