Entertainment

Man who ‘hated vegetables and hypocrites’ is survived by greatest obituary EVER

Taylor Bigler Entertainment Editor
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William Freddie McCullough may no longer be with us, but his incredible obituary, published Sept. 14 in the Savannah Morning News will always be with us.

It begins like all good stories do:

“The man. The myth. The legend. Men wanted to be him and women wanted to be with him. William Freddie McCullough died on September 11, 2013. Freddie loved deep fried Southern food smothered in Cane Syrup, fishing at Santee Cooper Lake, Little Debbie Cakes, Two and a Half Men, beautiful women, Reeses Cups and Jim Beam. Not necessarily in that order. He hated vegetables and hypocrites. Not necessarily in that order.”

McCullough loved to tell stories that were 50 percent true, “[y]ou just never knew which 50%.”

According to the obit, “Freddie adored the ladies. And they adored him. There isn’t enough space here to list all of the women from Freddie’s past. There isn’t enough space in the Bloomingdale phone book. A few of the more colorful ones were Momma Margie, Crazy Pam, Big Tittie Wanda, Spacy Stacy and Sweet Melissa (he explained that nickname had nothing to do with her attitude).”

He was married three times, “but it didn’t work out with any of the wives.”

Sadly, “Freddie was killed when he rushed into a burning orphanage to save a group of adorable children. Or maybe not.

McCullough is in a better place now; not necessarily heaven, but “that pool party in the sky.”

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