Canadian elementary school outlaws all touching on playground for kindergarteners

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The next time you start to worry that the dark forces aiming at the total wussification of America may succeed, just remember that wuss problems are always worse in Canada.

In the latest example of Canada’s sorry, wussified condition, an elementary school in the suburbs of Vancouver has instituted a policy outlawing all touching of any kind between kindergarteners during recess over injury fears.

Coghlan Fundamental Elementary School in Langley, B.C. notified parents about the new policy in a letter dated Nov. 1, reports CBC News.

The letter is addressed to “kindergarten families.” It begins by explaining that a few kids got hurt on the playground recently.

“Consequently, we have unfortunately had to ban all forms of hands-on play for the immediate future. This includes tag, holding hands, and any and all imaginary fighting games.”

Star Wars battle scene reenactments are an especially big problem, the missive laments.

The awkwardly phrased letter then ominously warns that “a zero-tolerance policy with regards to hands-on play” will mean “the missing of playtime and trips to the office” for five- and six-year-old offenders.

“We felt that the — as young as they are in kindergarten, we needed some time to teach them how to play safely,” explained school principal Barb Dayco.

Opinion among parents is split.

“I think it’s just gone a little too far,” said one parent, Natalie Rowe. “I think it’s not fair to teach little kids about not being able to hold hands, hug each other, play tag…”

“My boy’s been punched twice now,” disagreed another parent. “They can learn to keep their hands to themselves.”

A third parent was critical of the unidentified parent who initially publicized the Coghlan anti-touching letter.

The policy is apparently temporary but indefinite and will last as long as it takes for the kindergarten students to learn to obey.

Similarly bizarre prohibitions are far from unknown in the United States. At Weber Middle School on Long Island, for example, school administrators banned imposed a recess ban on unsupervised cartwheels, non-boring games of tag and footballs, baseballs, lacrosse balls and hard soccer balls. (RELATED: Middle school bans footballs, baseballs, cartwheels, fun games of tag)

Back in March, the school board in the affluent suburban town of Windham, N.H. banned dodgeball as a school-sponsored activity because it might lead to bullying and upsetting experiences for some students. (RELATED: Revenge of the nerds: New Hampshire school district bans dodgeball)

Also in March, St. Mary’s County Public Schools banned hugging and homemade food in public elementary schools for anyone except a parent’s own children. Parents there must also register to enter the playground and can only push their own kids on the swings. School district officials called the draconian regulations necessary to provide a safe environment. (RELATED: Maryland school district outlaws hugging, homemade food, pushing kids on swings)

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Eric Owens