The Michigan Daily — the student newspaper at the University of Michigan — wants to talk about sex… and The Daily Caller is game.
The newspaper’s Facebook page posted a link to an anonymous, two-minute survey that asks students to share their views about sex and sexuality. The results will be used to inform an upcoming feature story in the sex issue of the Daily’s weekly magazine.
The Daily wrote, “This survey doesn’t blow, but tell us if you do.”
In the spirit of solidarity, The DC decided to fill out the survey as well, under the online guise of an anonymous 21-year-old engineering student.
The survey’s first sex-related question is orientation. The options? Heterosexual, homosexual, Bisexual or Other.
The next question is, “What do you consider ‘losing your virginity?’” The choices are: Penetrative sex, Oral sex, Touching or “‘I think it’s a social construct.”
The DC expressed its concurrence with this view, and selected ‘social construct.’
The survey then asks, “How often do you do the deed?” Uninitiated respondents may save face by selecting, “Going through a bit of a sex drought right now.”
After a few questions about numbers of sex partners, whether sex cuts into classroom time and if sex-with-professor fantasies are common, the survey then asks for a list of “sex-ventures.”
“Check all that you’ve done,” it suggests
Most choices are vanilla enough, although some–including “had sex in the same room as a sleeping roommate”–are creepy.
According to the survey choices, the four most likely post-sex activities are sleeping, talking, running away and ordering cheesy bread. “Other” is also an option.
After struggling to provide written responses to the questions “Who is the sexiest Michigan athlete?” and “What celebrity do you want to have sex with?” The DC aborted its attempt to complete the survey. Daily editors should rest easy knowing our answers did not pollute the response pool.