Looking for the perfect finger puppet of a communist mass murderer for your favorite comrade this holiday season? The Nation magazine has got you covered.
The liberal magazine’s online store — “The Nationmart” — features a magnetic finger puppet of Che Guevara. The late Argentine revolutionary helped Fidel Castro install a police state in Cuba, where Guevara personally oversaw hundreds if not thousands of executions and the creation of labor camps where dissidents, homosexuals and others who “committed crimes against revolutionary morals” were ultimately sent. But Nationmart didn’t let those pesky details get in the way of its sunny description of the Che finger puppet.
“We may not know where Castro is these days, but we know where Che Guevara is: on your finger as a magnetic finger puppet!” the item’s playful description reads. “On your finger, he’s a puppet; on your fridge, he’s a magnet; in your puppet collection he incites the others to rise against their capitalistic oppressors!”
“Approx. 4 [inches] tall. But not too short to stand up for the poor and oppressed,” the description continues.
The puppet is a steal at just $5.99.
But if you prefer something a little more special, you might want to consider the Che Guevara doll for your budding Occupy Wall Street activist, or even the Che Guevara watch for the significant revolutionary in your life.
“Che Guevara was many things,” the description of the doll reads. “He was a rebel, an adventurer, a statesman, a civil rights leader and a revolutionary. And now he’s a cute doll thanks to our Che Guevara Little Thinker Doll. The Che Doll stands about 12-inches tall and comes dressed in green khakis, black boots and belt, plus his trademark beret. It’s as adorable, appealing and cuddly as the real Che was intense, violent, and cuddly. Che was known for fighting for just causes, and you should buy one just, well, cause.”
The heralded “civil rights leader” once famously meditated on hatred, noting:
“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”
Whoops, that was Martin Luther King, Jr. Here’s Che’s thoughts on hatred: “Hatred as an element of struggle; unbending hatred for the enemy, which pushes a human being beyond his natural limitations, making him into an effective, violent, selective, and cold-blooded killing machine. This is what our soldiers must become.”
The doll can be purchased for just $18.95. The watch is a little pricier at $35.95.
“People remember Che Guevera for being a bold leader and tireless crusader for the poor and oppressed,” the description of the watch reads. “But people who really knew him were most impressed by his punctuality. If you asked him to attack the Las Mercedes garrison at noon, he wouldn’t show up at 11:58 or 12:07. He’d be there at twelve on the nose! And to commemorate this little-known side of Che, we offer the Che Watch. It’s an incredibly handsome and well-made timepiece, featuring the word ?Revolution? revolving around a dramatic rendering of Che himself.”
The Nation’s Che collection wouldn’t be complete without a Che-themed card, which at $3.50 is a nice companion to the other Che gifts.
A request for comment from the Nation magazine’s press office on whether the Che items are big sellers with their readers and whether the store plans to add any more finger puppets of communist mass murderers to its collection in the near future was not immediately returned.
The online store’s slogan is “the unexamined gift is not worth giving.” Seriously.