Meet North America’s creepiest stalker

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A hair-raising secret-admirer note left on a dog-walking trail in Campbell River, British Columbia has put the area slightly on edge and prompted a warning from the Royal Canadian Mounted Police.

Local authorities first became aware of the long, fairly eloquent, typewritten missive earlier this month.

Around the same time, the full text of the note was uploaded to imgur. It’s fascinating reading—creepy and heartfelt, but mostly just creepy. (The quotes here are word for word.)

“This message is for a certain young lady who owns multiple pitbull terriers,” the letter begins.

The author goes on to say that he — it’s got to be a male, right? — sees the woman on the trail “nearly every lunch hour.”

“Everytime that I see you coming, I want to approach you and introduce myself. Instead, I find myself overcome by shyness and jumping off the trail, and watching you from afar.”

At about this point, the letter turns highly stalker-esque.

The author admits that he nearly summoned the courage to greet the woman once but lost his nerve. “I was too close and you could smell my cologne,” he observes.

“You reminded me of a tiny fox the way you lifted your face and scented the air,” the unrequited lover adds.

“You seem to realize when you are being watched, but perhaps your very large, aggressive looking dogs, plus the bear spray and the concealed knife I know you carry, give you a sense of security.”

The writer then lays down a simple, sincere (but clandestine) pick-up line: “I just wanted to tell you that I think you are very beautiful and have a beautiful body.”

The rest of the dispatch is dedicated to rejecting the notion that the writer is any kind of “creepy” fellow.

There were a few similar letters floating around Campbell River, reports the Courier-Islander, a local newspaper.

“The note appeared to be intended for a specific female who walks in the trails with several dogs,” said Don McIntosh, a local constable, in a Thursday press release. “Police later learned that there had been a series of notes left. While there were no threats of harm, it would appear the author may have been secretly watching this individual for a period of time.”

Police believe they have located the woman who is the target of the notes. They have spoken to her. It’s not clear what they said, or how she took it.

The writer of the notes remains unidentified and at large.

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