Gwyneth Paltrow may know that gargling coconut oil in your mouth for 20 minutes will result in whiter teeth and a healthier body* and that all you need to do to stay thin is have your personal chef whip up kale smoothies for you three times per day, but she doesn’t have a remedy for a broken marriage.
Paltrow announced her separation from husband Chris Martin, the lead singer of whiny band Coldplay, in the most insufferable online letter of all time because apparently “Fix You” was all a lie.
The actress posted the announcement, which has actually crashed her site, entitled “Conscious Uncoupling” to her lifestyle blog Goop on Tuesday night (which was extremely savvy of her considering that tabloids generally close their issues Tuesday morning). Emphasis ours:
It is with hearts full of sadness that we have decided to separate. We have been working hard for well over a year, some of it together, some of it separated, to see what might have been possible between us, and we have come to the conclusion that while we love each other very much we will remain separate. We are, however, and always will be a family, and in many ways we are closer than we have ever been [except for the fact that they now live apart]. We are parents first and foremost, to two incredibly wonderful children and we ask for their and our space and privacy to be respected at this difficult time. We have always conducted our relationship privately, and we hope that as we consciously uncouple and coparent, we will be able to continue in the same manner.
Gwyneth & Chris
Earlier this year, the online secret-sharing website Whisper published a post claiming that Paltrow was cheating on her husband with entertainment lawyer (and singer Pete Yorn’s brother) Kevin Yorn, which of course her publicist denied, so there’s that.