The Mirror

Former Sen. Alan Simpson As A Sex Advisor?

Betsy Rothstein Gossip blogger
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At 82, Sen. Alan Simpson (R-Wyo.) offers uncensored guidance on the mysterious secrets of love. And that includes sex. Don’t laugh. When Anna Sale, a reporter for WNYC, needed help with her relationship with her boyfriend, Arthur, she turned to the octogenarian and his wife, Ann, for help.

And guess what? It worked.

“We were in love, but I was a reporter in New York and he studied wildlife in Wyoming,” writes Sale. “I didn’t think it could work. He did. And he thought that if a U.S. Senator intervened, the relationship could turn around.”

Some of the more poignant lines:

On Sex

Ann: Whoever is the most aggressive, the other one is in control.

Alan: When you talk about that, you think, well there’s a couple of horny people. No, that’s not the point. It’s called intimacy. Scratch my back. Give me a hug. Just a hug. I’d say, ok [pant-pant-pant]. Just a touch, you know, a whack on the fanny in the kitchen.

He admits he once needed to be bailed out of jail for “slugging a cop.” She says after 10 years of marriage they needed counseling from a minister.

On Intimacy

Simpson’s ultimate secret: “The secret is, you both try to control each other, and you both fail. And it’s critical that you both fail. And you do it in the most skilled and manipulative ways.”

Hear the full audio recording here