In case you haven’t been mortified by the Internet today, here’s Cristiano Ronaldo working out his mouth with some weird Japanese device.
First of all, what the hell is this? Why is this a thing? Do people really need to work out their jowls that much? At least it didn’t have tentacles.
Second, love the move by Ronaldo. Here’s a guy who can get paid to literally do anything not in America because we like real sports, and what’s he do? Stand around while some weirdos flap with some weird Japanese bat-weight thing in their mouth. Guy probably got paid $1 million just for showing up.
Lastly, this just reaffirms that we need to wage war against soccer. Is this what we want to see Tim Howard doing? I’ll root for you to beat every other team in the world just so we can say America dominated in our fifth-ish most popular sport. But is this the kind of norm we really want? No, we want Shaq hocking Icy Hot and Jimmy Johnson selling Extenze like real Americans.