The NFL season kicks off with a new season in less than a month, and (of course) a new season means new rules regarding touchdown celebrations (or lack thereof).
While T.O. and Chad Ochocinco may be out of the league after the most inventive period of time for touchdown celebrations, they are still alive and well despite the efforts of the No Fun League.
With that, The Daily Caller is here to give you the lowdown on what your favorite players definitely cannot do this season, and what we really, really want more of this coming season.
To the list of the outlawed we go!
1.) Joe Horn was the epitome of a late bloomer. The long-time New Orleans receiver made a name for himself in 2000 and had himself one hell of a five-year stretch of success on the field, racking up four Pro Bowl appearances in which he racked up over 80 receptions and 1200 yards from 2000-2004.
He was also on the team that helped bring back football to the Superdome after Hurricane Katrina ravaged New Orleans.
However, Joe Horn will always be remembered (for better or worse) for pulling a cell phone from under the goalpost padding and pretending to make a phone call.
2.) Unfortunately, the NFL has also outlawed group celebrations. Which (even more unfortunately) has led to the demise of the Dirty Bird, the single greatest team celebration of the past 20 years.
Jamal Anderson may be an obscure name outside of Atlanta, but he made the Dirty Bird back in the day, and we should all be appreciative.
3.) The latest (and from the NFL’s point-of-view, greatest) banned celebration is the good ole dunking of the football. TheDC and all will probably agree, this was the most solid of all TD celebrations. Tony Gonzalez made this his thing for almost two decades. Donovan McNabb became quite fond of it.
But this would still be a celebration if it weren’t for Jimmy Graham.
You had to go ahead and dunk it sooooo hard, it made the goalposts uneven, didn’t ya, Jimmy?
Gee, thanks. One of the few good (and legal, for a while) celebrations that just had to be ruined.
4.) Personally, this is a favorite. Not so much because of Randy Moss, but because Joe Buck sounds like Mr. Politically-Correct squealing about the star’s “disgusting act.”
Yes, it is taunting, and everyone (including the NFL) realizes this is a big no-no. However, that doesn’t mean it shouldn’t make you chuckle every time you see it.
5.) First off, thank God Terrell Owens is out of the NFL. Good riddance.
However, he was The GOAT at touchdown celebrations, no matter how abrasive he was. If he was on your team and not disturbing everything and anything, he was awesome (right, Eagles fans?). Otherwise, he sucked.
That is why his celebrations on the Dallas Cowboys logo at midfield encapsulated his career.
Owens celebrated two touchdowns by sprinting to the Dallas star at the 50 yard line, spiking it once and sparking a fight, causing an ejection and earning himself a week suspension from his coach Steve Mariucci.
Now what do fans really want to see this upcoming season?
1.) Joseph Fauria. Everyone wants more dancing Joseph Fauria, because dancing Joseph Fauria is everything.
For an undrafted rookie last year, the Detroit Lions tight end made quite the impact. While he only caught 18 passes, seven were touchdowns. More important that, Joseph Fauria sure made his touchdowns count.
Like when he celebrated by bringing out the ‘Bye, Bye, Bye’ dance:
Or when he did this:
Or, uh, when he did whatever this is:
No matter the dance move, football fans everywhere were #winning. We need more of this.
Just don’t jinx it by picking him for your fantasy team. He (just like everyone you pick) will probably let you down.
2.) It’s been ages since the original “king of the touchdown dance” played, but a blast of the past would certainly be welcome in 2014.
Billy “White Shoes” Johnson had the smoothest dance known to man.
3.) The Patriots are by no means beloved by the majority of America. Nor should they be.
However, Rob Gronkowski should be beloved by all. While he’s hands down the NFL’s greatest partier/beer chugger and alone with Jimmy Graham among the elite tight ends, Gronk is also the current king of the spike.
While using the football as a prop is illegal, spiking the football is legal as long no taunting is involved.
Gronk’s spikes are not taunting. They are earth-shattering and eternally welcome.
Football fans across the landscape should all hope that Gronk stays healthy this year because when Gronk plays, nobody loses.
4.) Aaron Rodgers’ championship belt (for whatever reason) has slid under the radar in recent times.
Could this be a result of infrequent “discount double check” ads in recent times? More than likely, yes.
Possibly because the Packers haven’t had playoff success following their Super Bowl XLV victory? Sure, it’s possible.
No matter the reason, the championship belt is a powerful yet subtle celebratory expression, and Aaron Rodgers has made it his thing.
Rodgers (the best quarterback that isn’t named Peyton Manning) should be doing this a lot this year (if healthy, like Gronk) and in the future.
Have fun dealing with this for the next decade, Bears fans.
5.) Finally, a little bit of humility is always appreciated.
Which brings us to Larry Fitzgerald, who has rarely celebrated a touchdown by doing anything other than simply handing the ball to the official.
Larry Fitzgerald is the Mark Knopfler of the NFL: a legend who dominates his craft, yet carries himself with grace and class.
If one were to watch Knopfler’s solo during “Sultans of Swing,” he does nothing other than play the hell out of the guitar without doing any dumb dances like the rest of Dire Straits.
That’s Larry Fitzgerald. He may as well just tell everyone “ho-hum, another touchdown.”
Larry Fitzgerald is not a man for the exclamation point or an emoji. Rather, one for periods and commas.
With the 2014 season on top, we welcome the arrival of one Johnny Football … and (hopefully) a whole lot of this: