The U.S. Forest Service celebrated National Roasted Marshmallow Day the only way a government agency knows how — by telling people how not to roast smores.
“Never start a campfire when there are fire restrictions in place,” the jovial blog post says. “Be sure you are at least 15 feet from tent walls, trees or other flammable objects.” It also recommends keeping children at least 10 feet from the campfire, ensuring that they take no part in dangerous marshmallow melting.
Once minors have been safely sequestered out of sight, “let’s get to the marshmallow basics. Use a roasting stick of at least 30 inches in length.” The post provides no guidance as to the sanitation of said stick, however.
No doubt with the fearsome specter of Michelle Obama lurking over their shoulders, the agency also suggests replacing chocolate with fruit: “Grill thin slices of pineapple and substitute chocolate for the sweet, warm fruit. You will still get a tasty treat but by substituting with fruit, it is healthier – as long as you watch the amount of marshmallows used. If you want to cut down even more on calories, try using slices of angel food cake instead of graham crackers.” (RELATED: Michelle Obama Causes America’s ‘Best Cafeteria Cookie’ To Be Outlawed)
To limit the “amount of marshmallows used,” they helpfully propose substituting “marshmallow crème”–“a spreadable version of marshmallows that helps you more easily regulate portion.”
Tags for the blog post include “safety,” “recreation,” and “glamping”–a portmanteau of “glamour” and “camping,” which Fodor’s Travel explains “brings the comfort of a hotel into the great outdoors.”