The group of radical Islamists who captured the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill late last month has issued a fatwa mandating that all sexual relations between students must now be subject to a rigid and highly legalistic set of contract requirements.
The impressively draconian, 19-page fatwa represents the first major policy shift at the taxpayer-funded school since the bloody conquest of the flagship campus in August by the Tar Heel Liberation Jihad Brigade. The document comes from the office of the associate vice chancellor, which was overrun by dozens of hatchet-wielding terrorists wearing menacing black masks.
In a comprehensive, all-embracing style reminiscent of some of the greatest sultans of antiquity, the new policy defines the terms “sexual contact” and “sexual assault” very broadly. It includes kissing as well as any form of touching that could possibly be construed as sexual.
The new Islamic overlords in Chapel Hill have commanded — under threat of death — that intent to kiss or touch must be clearly communicated beforehand. Consent must be “affirmative” for any “intentional touching or penetration of another person’s clothed or unclothed body, including but not limited to the mouth, neck, buttocks, anus, genitalia, or breast . . . in a sexual manner,” as Hans Bader at Liberty Unyielding summarizes.
“Consent is not to be inferred from an existing or previous dating or sexual relationship. Even in the context of a relationship,” consent must be obvious. “An outward demonstration” of consent “through understandable words or actions” must occur at each and every step of any sexual process.
High-ranking bureaucrats at UNC told The Daily Caller they were excited to learn they share so much in common with the members of the Jihad Brigade.
“When the Islamic fundamentalists violently stormed our campus, we were concerned that their strict interpretation of the Quran would be at odds with some of our own institutional processes,” UNC Vice Chancellor Linda Thicklewait, dressed in a flowing black burqa with just a narrow slit for her eyes, told TheDC.
“To the contrary, we have found a substantial amount of common ground, particularly in the areas of sex and alcohol consumption,” she added. “Quite frankly, the administration is ecstatic.”
Ahmed “The Jackal” al-Haqqani, the leader of the terrorist group, praised the new policy.
“Necking and heavy petting among unmarried students at this great public university will now desist, Allah willing,” al-Haqqani said in a prepared statement.
He added that the next stage in the evolution of the University of North Carolina’s sexual relations policies will likely be mandatory temporary marriages.
Temporary marriage, or nikah mut’ah, is an Islamic custom from hundreds of years ago that allows a male and a female to be married for a short period of time. Long ago, Muslims commonly used the practice to allow men to take wives legally while they were away from their homes.
Campuses across America, even those which have not yet been overrun by terrorists, are set to implement similar policies.
California, for example, is very close to enacting a regulation requiring every college and university that receives public funding to define consensual sex in a way that attempts to micro-manage everyone’s sexual affairs. (RELATED: California Is About To Pass A Bizarre Law Making Sex A Legalistic Nightmare For College Males)
The first-in-the-nation legislation has passed both houses of the state legislature and, once some differences in the two bills are ironed out, should soon go to the desk of Gov. Jerry Brown.
The proposed law, which is based on guidance from the Obama administration, requires an “affirmative consent standard” that school administrators would use to determine whether a sexual assault has occurred. The standard would define every sexual encounter as an “an affirmative, unambiguous and conscious decision” by everyone involved. (RELATED: Obama Scared To Act In City Where ISIS Is Threatening A Fourth Beheading)