Just got an email from Organizing For Action, the external activist wing of the White House (White House staff and the media work inside the White House). They’re having a sale: “up to 40% off!”*
How many times have you kicked yourself for not having the “Jimmy Carter Is The Peanut Butter To My Jelly” t-shirts all your hipster friends have? 
You can now put them all to shame with a t-shirt featuring the man who lapped him in the “Worst President Ever” marathon – Barack Obama.
Considering the economy the last 6 years, who can afford $27 for an Obama logo t-shirt? No one, that’s who. So now it’s on sale for only $18! That’s a 30% savings on stupid!
And who doesn’t want a “Love Is Love” t-shirt? Only “phobes” and “ists,” that’s who. It was going to cost you $27, but now it’s on sale for the bargain basement price of $25! Ok, that’s less than 10% off, so this one must sell on its own. Whatever, still a hell of deal!
Are you sick of drinking coffee out of a regular mug that doesn’t celebrate Barack Obama? Who isn’t, amiright? For the low price of only $9 you can buy one! This would have cost you a whopping $12.50 just last week, but now you can save $3.50 on something you don’t need anyway! (Unless you’ve been drinking you coffee out of your cupped hands, in which case you probably can’t afford $9 either.)
Have you been kicking yourself because all the other parents at your weekly drum circle have their babies in onesies reading “Organizer in Training”? Was it that $21.50 price tag that has been keeping your from fully developing your chi? Hold on to your second chakra, because it’s now only $17.50! Of course, if you can’t afford $21.50 for baby clothes but somehow it being $4 less fits your budget, your priorities are really screwed up.
*Everything is on sale for “up to 40% off,” as the OFA email says. However, just like the president this crap celebrates, that 40% number is a little misleading. The “up to” part is key, kind of like “save or created” jobs since only 1 item is actually 40% off and it’s the worst one – the “Action Pack.” What’s in the “Action Pack”? Well, the description reads, “This pack includes 10 Action placards, 5 Action buttons, and 5 Action bumper stickers for all your needs — and plenty to share.” Sound like a dream? You can have it all for only $15, with the added bonus of being able to rub that bargain basement price in the face of all your friends and yoga classmates who paid full-freight at $25.
These savings are just the tip of the iceberg! (An iceberg that is sadly melting thanks to climate change, so act now!) This sale is for a “limited time only,” so hurry before they’re all gone!