DC Trawler

Airline: No Porn Allowed In Cockpit

Derek Hunter Contributor

This story from the Daily Mail will forever make you doubt if that was really turbulence you were experiencing on your flight or something else.

Air Canada has announced a ban on pornography in their cockpits. Seems some pilots were taping, tucking, and “gluing” pictures of naked women around the controls and female pilots have had enough.AIR 1

Couple thoughts. First, it’s called a “cockpit,” so… I mean, the jokes write themselves.

Second, this sort of thing has perplexed me since the first time I heard about someone being fired for having downloaded copious amounts of porn on their work computers – how can you not go a few hours without looking at porn? It’s not difficult. I’m writing right now and not looking at porn. It’s easy. If that’s your thing, if you have a chronic problem, double-down when you get home.

And who “downloads” porn, anyway? Who looks at pornography and thinks, “This is so good I must have access to it 24/7, even if my Internet connection craps out?” If this is you, you need therapy.

Third, what are these guys doing in the cockpit? There are at least two people flying the plane at any given time, depending on the size of the plane. Are they all in on it? Is it some sort of weird group thing? And how does that first meeting go? “Hey Carl, hey Fred. What do you say to the idea that over Denver, once we really get into autopilot territory, we try something new…?”

There was a time when being a pilot was an E-Z Pass to picking up chicks, but not anymore. Now they’re just some guy who lets you know when you’re over the Grand Canyon through the sound system of a low-grade drive-thru who you hope isn’t too drunk to land. I guess they had to channel that energy elsewhere. Still…

Note to pilots: membership in the “Mile High Club” is not a solo endeavor. Two hands on the wheel.