DC Trawler

It’s A Victim! Chelsea Clinton Has A Girl!

Derek Hunter Contributor

America’s richest 1% grew by one last night. Chelsea Clinton gave birth last night to a healthy baby future victim of Republican’s War on Women – Charlotte Clinton Mezvinsky.

She made the announcement via Twitter, because nothing happens in the world nowadays unless you tweet it.

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Expect the following sentiments to be added to Grandma Hillary’s stump speeches:

I don’t want my granddaughter growing up earning only 77 cents for every dollar a man makes. That’s why I support equal pay for equal work!

I don’t want my granddaughter growing up in a world where domestic violence is tolerated. That’s why I support the Violence Against Women Act.

Being a grandmother has really changed my perspective on X, which is why supporting (whatever liberal cause she’s always supported) is so important to me.

And, of course, the ever popular:

As a grandmother, I don’t want to leave a world ravaged by climate change, so…

Hopefully little Charlotte won’t be used as a political prop, but this is the Clintons. Expect the same people who attacked Sarah Palin for bringing her child on the campaign trail to praise the “closeness” of the Clintons for doing the same.

No matter what, congratulations to Chelsea and her husband Marc on the birth of their baby victim girl. Hopefully she will not ever fall for a man like her grandfather. Either of them, actually.

Let the tabloid magazine bidding war for the first pictures begin.