Entertainment

The New ‘Star Wars: Episode VII’ Trailer Sucks [VIDEO]

Christopher Bedford Editor in Chief, The Daily Caller News Foundation

Most of America probably feels like they drank way too much drink and ate way too much turkey Thursday, and that’s because we did.

But what better way to ease off the Thanksgiving binge than the very first trailer for the upcoming “Star Wars” movie?

Because when I woke up with the taste of ash in my mouth, I thought to myself, “This feeling would go well with crushing disappointment.”

WATCH:

We’re introduce to our new Disney universe by a Samuel L. Jackson Yoda impersonator with nothing interesting to say.

“There has been an awakening. Have you felt it?”

The only black guy in the Imperial army sure has.

Sure, the X-Wing scene looks cool. Though that lightsaber is suspect.

Oh, and there goes the Millennium Falcon.

Sure, I sound bitter, and it’s because I am. My childhood was basically defined by “Star Wars.” I had the Micro Machine playsets. I had the terrible Hasbro figurines back when Hasbro didn’t even put in the effort for their toys’ knees and elbows to bend. I had the trilogy on tape, the updated trilogy on tape (ugh), the behind the scenes tape with C-3PO as guide. I had the soundtrack. I had a subscription to the magazine and was a member of the Star Wars Fan Club. I read the books. The damn books! On the school bus. In public. I still have them (the Thrawn trilogy holds up, I swear).

So when “Episode I” came around, you better believe I was in the audience.

And that is pretty much when my childhood ended.

NSFW:

I was so depressed I didn’t even bother to see Episodes II and III in the theaters. I was in college before I finally watched them.

And it’s with those very same cold, dead eyes that I watched the new trailer, so maybe I’m just a bitter old fan. But maybe I’m right. You make the call.

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