DC Trawler

#NotAllMuslims Hack Over 19,000 French Websites In Wake Of Charlie Hebdo Massacre

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Do you want to serve Allah? Sure, we all do!

But what if you don’t own any cool clothes that go with a suicide belt? What if you want 72 virgins, but not the 72 bullets you’ll take gettin’ ’em? What if… what if you’re a merd?*

Thanks to the miracle of Internet technology, you can be a merd without being a murderer. Work your way into the good graces of your fellow jihadis from the comfort of your own banlieue: become a ji-hacker!

Lorenzo Franceschi-Biccierai, Mashable:

Hackers have attacked 19,000 French websites in the aftermath of the raid on the office of Charlie Hebdo, according to France’s cyberdefense chief.

The attacks were carried out by “more or less structured” groups, including some well-known Islamic hacking groups, Adm. Arnaud Coustilliere, head of the French Army’s cybersecurity department, told reporters on Thursday…

None of these attacks are particularly sophisticated. As experts told Mashable on Tuesday, the hackers go after low-hanging fruit — websites that have faulty settings, leaving them vulnerable to easy attacks.

Don’t worry, this silly Mashable infidel doesn’t know what he’s talking about. These guys are l33t hax0rz, bro. They’ve even got their own awesome Twitter account!


Congratulate to you indeed, gentlemens.

So get out there and hack computers, not heads. Join UIC Force** today!

*Muslim nerd. No offense. I use it as a term of respect. Not to be confused with the French word merde, which definitely doesn’t apply to any soldier of Allah.
**They’re still working on the name. “Weak Force”? Ahmed came up with that one. He’s such an idiot…