A judge in Germany has actually had to issue a serious, written decision declaring that a man has the fundamental right to pee standing up.
The ruling by Stefan Hank, a Düsseldorf judge, came on Thursday, The Guardian reports.
The case involved a landlord who tried to withhold €1,900 ($2,128) of a tenant’s deposit because the tenant allegedly damaged some marble tiles around a toilet with a constant dribble of misty urine.
The issue of how men should pee — sitting like some woman or standing as God and nature obviously intended — has somehow become a somber, important issue in Germany.
Some toilets in the nation feature ominous red signs ordering males to sit down to urinate.
At the same time, some men refuse to heed the signs and refer to any man who sits down to pee as a “sitzpinkler” — a term of derision as completely non-masculine as it sounds.
Judge Hank wrote that men who won’t kowtow to female demands and pee sitting down “must expect occasional rows with housemates, especially women,” according to BBC News.
However, unless the landlord had given the tenant a specific, no-pee-splashing mandate, Hank wrote, the tenant could not be held liable.
“Despite growing domestication of men in this matter, urinating while standing up is still widespread,” the judge, perhaps a sitzpinkler himself, also observed.
No one in the United States has gone to court to prevent men from standing up to pee (as far as The Daily Caller knows) and no American judge had had to write an opinion affirming a primary staple of manhood. Still, this country has definitely experienced its own existential battles over proper methods of urination.
Just this month, for example, sad, angry feminist Soraya Chemaly argued for over 1,000 words in the cyber-pages of TIME that “long lines for women’s restrooms are the result of a history that favors men’s bodies” and that women “shouldn’t have to wait” to pee just because other women take too damn long in the bathroom. (RELATED: Wealthy, Pampered White Woman Whines About Having To Wait To Use The Bathroom.
It’s a “serious” issue, the fancypants Georgetown graduate insisted.
England also has faced the politics of peeing. Last year, students at England’s University of East Anglia urged everyone on campus and, in fact, the world to pee in the shower in order to save the environment. (RELATED: SCIENCE: Save The Earth By Peeing In The Shower)