This weekend, sixteen national sororities prohibited their female members at the University of Virginia from attending annual fraternity bid events for the girls’ own safety, in the aftermath of a false Rolling Stone report on a fraternity gang rape that never actually happened. Some sororities even mandated “Girls Night In” policies, whereby the sorority members barricaded themselves indoors where they watched television and possibly, theoretically also made out.
In that spirit, I’m also taking every precaution to protect people I care about from the constant danger posed by Differently-Gendered Americans. So I’ve sent out to my young male friends a similar mandate: avoid progressive women for your own safety. Seriously. The risks are real.
As Hillary Clinton prepares to run for the position of first female president, progressive women are militarized now as never before. They go to college campuses where The Vagina Monologues can’t be performed because it’s not feminist enough. They click on BuzzFeed, which is like reading dystopian social-justice pornography written by sixth-graders. And they watch news programming that convinces them, day in and day out, that no evil is greater than a white American man.
The modern rash of false rape accusations, from the University of Virginia to UC-Santa Cruz to Rollins College to Princeton to the University of Wyoming to Hofstra to the University of Florida to Oberlin, kind of proves that something is going on here. The most famous woman to accuse a campus Republican of assault and then have her story get severely questioned is pretty famous. Her name is Lena Dunham.
Those pushing spurious accusations against men are not punished or marginalized. Al Sharpton is a White House adviser two decades after the Tawana Brawley hoax and UVA rape activist Emily Renda, who introduced “Jackie” to Rolling Stone magazine, hasn’t even been fired from her position on White House and Virginia state task forces on sexual assault.
The facts don’t seem to matter anymore. If anyone questions an accuser’s credibility, the media accuses them of “victim-blaming.” As said feminist writer Amanda Marcotte, “Rape is really, really common. I think understanding that is why I believe rape victims. They’re usually telling the truth.”
Feminists, in coordination with their allies in the media, have discovered a powerful weapon, and they’re guarding it with blind, fervent activist group-think. In a post-Sandra Fluke age of overnight social media stars and victimization-as-currency, any college girl with an ax to grind can be guaranteed immediate national celebrity so long as she accuses the right kind of men — be they fraternity brothers or campus Republicans. She’ll be shielded from any personal criticism of her background or her motives, and if her story comes apart the folks promoting her lies will still go on to political prominence and MSNBC split-screens. It’s an entire industry.
And it’s not just rape. There’s also something called “rape culture,” which is loosely defined but it seems to include football fandom, commercials with models in them, and most kinds of male-to-male joking. If you don’t avoid progressive women in the age of the digital cell-phone camera, your next one-liner about Kim Kardashian’s butt will get overheard by throngs of dead-eyed social media crusaders. Make no mistake: they would absolutely delight in catching you, you heteronormative male scum. In fact, their TA would probably give them extra credit.
Males have no business being around Females. And Females have no business being around Males.
No, that’s not the way things were in the 1950’s. It’s not the way things were in the 1850’s, or 250 AD, or even during the Han dynasty. But we live in a new reality now. Men and women are at war.
News reports coming out of Washington, D.C. indicate that men started it by declaring a “War on Women.” Something to do with emergency contraception at Catholic hospitals, or state’s rights. But however it started, that war is raging. And we can’t afford to put any more of our men on the front lines. It’s time to send our boys home. Or, rather, keep them away from traditional homes. It’s time to send our boys to the YMCA.
Oscar Wilde didn’t need to be around women to be happy. Merv Griffin always seemed most ill at ease when talking to female guests. Sonny even became a congressman after he got rid of Cher.
This is progressive America now. Gender-mixing is not only dangerous, but it’s also probably racist.
Someday, all the young women of America will wear hoods over their faces — hijabs if you will — so men can’t even look at them and so they, too, can’t see anything except occasional shapes and light objects. Until that day comes, we need to stay the Hell away from each other.
Take it from me in high school, men of America: the less females you interact with, the more episodes of “The Outer Limits” you can watch back-to-back in one sitting. As you embark on this journey, I salute you. Pat yourselves on the back, lonely men. Or, rather… Give yourselves a hand.