Man Who Gave His Infant Son A Full, NFL Scouting Report Is Dad Of The Year

Christian Datoc Senior White House Correspondent
Font Size:

One week removed from the Super Bowl, America is already beginning to suffer from football-withdrawals.

If you’re like me, you’re feeding your pigskin-addiction by crushing episodes of Esquire Network’s Friday Night Tykes, but this might not be sufficient to sate the most die-hard NFL-junkies’ thirst.

Take for example, Reddit user ianzilla, who escaped the off-season doldrums by regaling Houston Texans fans with a full, combine-style scouting report for his one-month-old-son, “Voss the Hoss.” 

His technique is still very raw.

Right now I’d characterize him as a “scrappy, gym rat” but he is going to be putting on a lot of mass during the the offseason.

He has a hard time seeing the whole field and going through his progressions because his neck doesn’t fully support his head. Trainers aren’t worried. Cannot currently make all NFL throws.

Good, loud hard count, strong cadence, can be heard from many rooms away.

System guy, has been coddled thus far in his career. Will need coaching up. But has some experience taking snaps from center. Mother forbids him line up in the gun for the time being.

Poor footwork, has yet to take first steps so his drop backs are rough. Not a mobile QB, definitely won’t blow anyone away with his speed

Impressive eye discipline. Looks off his mother (in-house safety) before peeing directly on her.

Film junkie. Will watch film all night if his dad forgets to move him from in front of the computer.

Durable. No injury history whatsoever.

Questions about his mental toughness. Can whine about teammates. Has yet to show true leadership skills. No off the field trouble to speak of but immaturity is definitely a concern.

If he declared today I’d consider him a late round prospect purely for his high upside. Recommend holding off and continuing to develop before foregoing eligibility.

Only 212 days left until kickoff.

Follow Datoc on Twitter