DC Trawler

Marie Harf Is Right: Killing Terrorists Is Dumb

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As Al Weaver reports, State Dept. Pledge Director Marie Harf appeared on MSNBC’s Hardball last night. When noted chickenhawk warmonger Chris Matthews started rattling his saber about ISIS, Harf shut him down real quick.

“We cannot win this war by killing them. We cannot kill our way out of this war. We need, in the longer term, medium to longer term, to go after the root causes that leads (sic) people to join these groups. Whether it’s lack of opportunities for jobs…”

Good point. ISIS just needs a good jobs program. And maybe midnight basketball, stuff like that. Hey, what could it hurt?

It reminds me of something the philosopher Michael Moore once said, many years ago:

“Saddam Hussein is a brutal dictator, and I hope he’s removed as soon as possible. But nonviolently.”

Which was a great idea. So I came up with this plan, which was how we ended up nabbing that silly goose:

Good idea! First we’ll coax Saddam out of his bunker with a trail of delicious candy. Then, once his belly is full and he’s all sleepy and happy, we’ll calmly explain that we don’t approve of what he’s been doing and it’s not very nice and we wish he’d stop. And he’ll be like, “Whoa, I never thought of it that way. You guys are my friends! I like you!” And then everybody will hug and cry, and then get a little embarrassed about crying, and then make some jokes to cover up being embarrassed. And then a beautiful rainbow will appear, and a shy unicorn will walk down it, and Saddam will ride the unicorn to the North Pole, and he’ll spend the rest of his life helping Santa make wonderful toys for all the good little girls and boys, and there’ll be hot chocolate, and, and, and, and nobody will ever ever die again for any reason ever. THE END


These ISIS guys think like we do, and they want the same things we do, for the same reasons. Once they realize that, once we make them understand that we’re all the same on this big blue marble, then they’ll stop burning people alive, beheading them, shooting them for being Jews, etc.

Or, we can blast the $#!+ out of them until the stragglers run away pissing their robes like the cowardly vermin they are. That might work too.

Tags : treacher
Jim Treacher