As we now know, “I don’t think Obama loves America” is the worst thing anyone has ever said about anyone or anything, ever, in the history of the world. Our moral, ethical, and intellectual betters are burning Rudy Giuliani at the stake for his heresy, as well they should.
No sane person should ever need to explain why or how Obama loves America, because it’s self-evident. I mean, duh! But just for our own amusement, let’s list a few of the ways that The Greatest President Ever shows his love for us, unworthy rabble that we are.
Pay attention, teabaggers:
Obama loves poor Americans so much, he keeps making new ones so they won’t be lonely.
Obama loves rich Americans so much, he doesn’t have them all lined up and shot. (You’re welcome!)
Obama loves middle-class Americans so much, he changes the subject to them whenever he gets himself into trouble.
What’s more American than baseball? Obama loves that $#!+.
Okay then, forget about baseball. Basketball is more his game. That’s American as hell!
You know what? Forget about sports. How about cars? Americans love our cars, and Obama loves America!
Sheesh… Well, how about the military? Obama loves our men and women in uniform. How could anybody say otherwise?
Alright, alright, never mind all that. Obama still loves America, because it’s the greatest country in the whole wide world!
Oh.
Um… er… His wife really loves America?
Dammit.
Fine. Fine. You think it’s so easy to find evidence that Obama loves America? Go right ahead, smarty-pants. Let’s hear it.
Obama loves America because…?