Opinion

Why Millenials Are Totally Suited To Work At The IRS

REUTERS/Jonathan Ernst

Patrick Howley Political Reporter

Are you a young person with no ability to think for yourself? Then the IRS wants you!

The same week that the Justice Department announced that it would not charge former IRS official Lois Lerner for targeting conservative groups, IRS commissioner John Koskinen gave a speech at the National Press Club. In the speech, he said that the IRS will encourage millennials — you know, young people born during the Reagan, Bush and Clinton administrations — to work for the Internal Revenue Service.

How fun! The joys of being a mindless government factotum must be endless. Actually, come to think of it, working at the IRS would probably appeal to today’s crop of young Starbucks-drinkers. Here’s why:

Big Government: Young people love big government. According to the crap they say on the Internet, they want to have the biggest government possible and live in basically an authoritarian state where the government can police everything. Working at the IRS will be a big coup in Progressive Amerikka.

Targeting Conservatives: Young liberals constantly target conservatives on social media and through other online activism efforts, trolling them on Twitter, sending them hate mail, and leading boycotts against them. If anything, the IRS’ conservative targeting scandal only makes the IRS more attractive to young progressives. Have any creative ideas for who they can target next?

Lavish Parties: The IRS spent $49 million in three years on lavish conferences for government employees. Hotels and swag? That’s the closest most mediocre young people will ever get to the Vanity Fair After Party.

Parody Videos: Young people hate working, and would rather spend all day making “Star Trek” and dance reality-show parody videos. As former Daily Caller editor Tim Cavanaugh once remarked, the IRS really took the time to get all the details right in its Star Trek parody video, including the design of the spaceship. Some hardcore Trekkies over there.

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