Gee whiz, Jonathan Alter.
For someone who insists, even to the point of soiling himself, that he is not on MSNBC host Ed Schultz‘s witness list, you sure are the subject of feverish legal maneuvering.
On Friday , John Hayes, Schultz’s lawyer from the white shoe law firm, Dumb, Dumber and Dumbest, LLP, went bellyaching to the federal judge hearing the breach of partnership lawsuit against him about the reporter who had the temerity to ask Alter for comment on his alleged upcoming testimony.
On May 5, Alter, arguably the least intelligent Harvard grad in recent memory, figured in an entire motion. Lawyers for plaintiff Michael Queen moved to exclude Alter from testifying for Schultz.
Alter is scheduled to testify about his emails with Queen and Schultz in 2008. They asked for help getting Schultz a show. Alter told them to find a regular agent. Queen says Schultz never paid him for finally arranging “The Ed Show” after the behemoth broadcaster begged Roger Ailes for a job, but to no avail.
Of course, Alter initially denied any knowledge of the dispute when asked for comment. Later confronted about the emails, Alter claimed to have, uh, forgot about them.
Do people ask Alter for help getting a show so often that the Schultz entreaty just slipped his memory? Hard to keep track of all those requests, Jonathan? Especially with Vanity Fair always clamoring for an interview?
But with the “I don’t know nothing” ship having already sailed, Alter still maintained he was not scheduled to testify, even warning The Daily Caller against publishing such a “falsehood.”
Lawyers for the plaintiff are convinced Alter is scheduled to testify, as would anybody with a second grade reading level and above who are asked to read the relevant documents. And they contend Schultz’s lawyers pulled a fast one to get him into court.
In an eight page motion filed May 5, attorney Steven Teppler asked Judge and Obama donor Beryl Howell to bar Alter from testifying because they were not notified in advance that Alter knew about the dispute and would side with Schultz.
The motion even includes a mammoth sub-heading about Alter.
DEFENDANT’S INITIAL DISCLOSURES DID NOT
PROPERLY IDENTIFY JONATHAN ALTER AS A WITNESS
[Cut and pasted directly from the motion]
The specific beef expressed below is that Schultz did not provide the address and phone number for Alter so he could be deposed. Under federal rules of evidence, contact info for all witnesses must be provided.
Of course, Alter is such a hot celebrity Schultz’s lawyers should be forgiven for keeping this kind of information under wraps.
The motion concludes that, “Despite Plaintiff’s clear and unambiguous efforts to have Defendant identify witnesses he intends to bring to trial . . . Defendant Schultz failed to identify Jonathan Alter as witnesses for any purpose, effectively preventing the Plaintiff from having an opportunity to subpoena and depose him.
“Accordingly, for the reasons set forth herein, Plaintiff requests that the Court exclude the testimony at trial and for any purpose of Defendant Schultz’s witness Jonathan Alter.”
So, if you take Alter’s word for it, Queens lawyers just committed a fraud upon the court—kind of like testifying that you only have one email address when you actually have at least two, to use a random example. They asked a federal judge to bar Alter from testifying even though he is not really testifying anyway?
The Mirror asked Alter for comment.
Where for art thou, Jonathan? Out shopping for a new suit now that with your name splashed across a motion filed just days before the trial Annie Liebowitz should be calling any moment to arrange a photo-shoot.
Alter replied, “To date, I have been contacted by no lawyers for either side.”