David Letterman gave his last ever opening monologue on Wednesday night, but instead of get sappy and cry, he mocked himself.
The subject of his opener?
“David Letterman’s Last Monologue.”
He took the stage for the very last time at the Ed Sullivan Theater in Manhattan after hosting over 6,000 shows. He was welcomed with a minute-long entrance from his band and a standing ovation from his audience.
“I’ll be honest with you: it’s beginning to look like I won’t get the ‘Tonight Show!'”
“Don’t kid yourself, emotions are running high in this building. I was talking to a sound guy backstage, Dutch. Come to think of it, that may not be his name. For the last 20 years I have been calling everybody ‘Dutch.’ Speaking of emotional farewells, here now is my goodbye to the staff. I hope you enjoy it.”
“Here’s the problem when you don’t have your own show anymore. When I screw up, and Lord knows I’ll screw up, I’ll have to go on someone else’s show to apologize.”
His plans after retirement? It involves him, Paul Shaffer, Las Vegas and the white tigers at Caesars Palace.
“It’s our final show, ladies and gentlemen.”