One writer for a local Pennsylvania paper apparently doesn’t take life — or death — too seriously.
Writers like to have fun with their ledes, but when tragedy strikes, it’s usually a good idea to play it straight. Take, for instance, this terrible tragedy from Tuesday:
How did the Patriot-News in Harrisburg, Pa. cover it? Take a gander at this lede:
And that, ladies and gentleman, may be the most inappropriate lede ever written, though The Daily Caller can’t be sure since we didn’t actually really investigate it.
But in the spirit of providing helpful advice, here are seven even more inappropriate ledes the paper might want to avoid if various tragedies happen to strike the Pennsylvania capital in the near future:
1.) An apple a day always kept the doctor away for one local man — that is, until his neighbor coated his daily apple with rat poison. Now a team of doctors can’t even save him, because he’s d-e-a-d — dead.
2.) He was leaving on a jet plane, but wasn’t quite sure when he’d be back again. Now we know when one area man will return: Never. That’s because his plane exploded midair Tuesday.
3.) The Good Book says that for every thing there is a season. For one local teen, it turns out spring is the season for getting impaled pole vaulting in the district track and field championships.
4.) Who let the dogs out? Those aren’t just lyrics to a popular song by the Baha Men, that’s also a question being asked by parents of a local toddler after their child’s face was eaten by pack of pit bulls.
5.) They say all that glitters is not gold. One local man can attest to that, after the glittering lights of machine gun fire blew off his legs Friday.
6.) We now have more evidence that blood is indeed thicker than water, after one local teen murdered his parents to test the hypothesis for his middle school science fair.
7.) A way to a man’s heart may be through his stomach, but a local woman found quicker route through her man’s chest Thursday after she discovered her husband cheating on her with another woman.