DC Trawler

BREAKING: Ted Cruz Plays Candy Crush

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Hang onto your hats, people. The 2016 race just got blown wide open!!

Tim Mak, Daily Beast:

Long before Ted Cruz became a senator from Texas, he was a gamer. He’s known for being pugilistic on the Senate floor, but sometimes he’d rather be fighting cartoon zombies on his iPhone…

At the moment, Cruz is playing Plants vs. Zombies, a game where users collect sunlight points to feed plants who fight off waves of zombies; Candy Crush, the puzzle game where he claims he’s in the 217th level; and The Creeps!, a tower defense game.

His video game addiction is so severe, Cruz says, he has to proactively deny himself the ability to spend time on it.

“I don’t have a console, mostly as a time management tool, because if I had one, I would use it far too much,” he told The Daily Beast.

This guy wants to be the President of the United States. If he’s scared of an Xbox, how’s he going to stand up to Iran? Etc., etc.

Cruz was also a video-game addict while attending Princeton and Harvard Law, which obviously had an adverse effect on his grades.

Oh, and what’s up with playing “free” games that rely on in-app purchases? What a rube. If Cruz can’t manage his own money any better than that, how is he going to run a whole country?

That’s all I can think of right now. Help me out, guys. There must be some other ways we can use this to bring down Ted Cruz once and for all.

P.S. There he goes again, whining about the media…

Tags : treacher
Jim Treacher