The Mirror

11 White House Pool Reports To Declare That Absolutely Nothing Is Happening

Betsy Rothstein Gossip blogger
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On the plus side, the weekend White House pool reporter, New York Times‘ Mikayla Bouchard, was thorough and didn’t miss a beat during her Saturday duties. It’s more like, she refused to miss one pointless detail of President Obama‘s day.

In fact, the more meaningless the report the better.

And there were a lot of them: 11 reports in total to say nothing.

Could some of these been consolidated? Who knows? Bouchard’s tasks at the NYT, according to her Twitter bio, include writing, tweeting and answering phones. The only important remarks of the entire day are in bold courtesy of The Mirror. No doubt everyone reading the White House pool reports took a collective sigh of relief when Bouchard finally reported at lid at 8:29 p.m.

But let’s start this report about virtually nothing from the beginning at 9:47 a.m. Please note: there will be one worthy news nugget in the mix and it involves a woman passing out on a sidewalk in front of a restaurant where Obama is eating. The pooler makes sure to say that the woman fainted because of the heat (and not because she’s so in awe of Obama).

1. “Good Saturday morning, It’s a warm start to the day, around 75 degrees. The president’s motorcade departed from the White House at 9:43 for an undisclosed location. We are told to expect ‘typical’ Saturday activities. The president was briefly visible getting into his car, wearing a light-colored shirt.”

2. “After an uneventful 26-minute drive, the motorcade arrived at TPC Potomac at Avenel Farm at 10:09 am. The president will be playing golf at the private club in Potomac, Maryland. No word yet on who he is golfing with.”

3. “The president’s golf partners for the day: Joe Paulsen, Marvin Nicholson, Tony Kornheiser.”

4. “President Obama finished 18 holes after about four and a half hours of play and decided to play another round of nine holes. It’s around 85 degrees at the Maryland course, bright and sunny with a few clouds spotting the sky.”

5. “The president finished playing golf after about six hours on the course. The motorcade departed from TPC Potomac at 4:11 pm. There are no planned stops on the way back to the White House.”

6. “The motorcade returned to the White House at 4:42 pm after a smooth drive back from Potomac, Maryland. The president was briefly visible as he strode into the White House a minute later.”

7. “President Obama is on the move again. The motorcade departed the White House at 6:20 for an undisclosed location. He was accompanied by the First Lady.”

8. “The Obamas have headed out for a Saturday night dinner on the town. After a brief drive down Pennsylvania Ave. towards Penn Quarter, the motorcade arrived at Oyamel at 6:29 pm. President Obama, the First Lady and Malia are dining at the Mexican restaurant.”

9. “As the Obamas ate dinner, a large crowded [sic] gathered outside of Oyamel at the intersection of 7th and D St. NW in Penn Quarter. One young woman, 18 years old from New Jersey, collapsed on the sidewalk while waiting to see him. A police officer on the scene said it was likely from dehydration. EMS and a fire truck responded adding to the activity of the intersection that was partially blocked off with caution tape. Upon exiting the restaurant, the Obamas were greeted by the cheering crowds. Malia came out first, wearing a denim top and black pants. The president followed, waving to the onlookers. Wearing a black scoop neck dress with cap sleeves, First Lady Michelle Obama was last to exit the restaurant. The motorcade departed at 8:16 and is en route to the White House with no scheduled stops.”

10. “The motorcade returned to the White House at 8:21pm.”

11. “The White House has called a travel photo lid for the day.”