ISIS Bans Pigeon Breeding Because Overhead View Of Bird Sex Organs Insults Islam

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If you’ve ever looked up in the sky, seen a pigeon soaring through the air and noticed its pigeon genitals — well, that’s pretty weird. You’ve probably got a strange combination of bionic-level eyes and some terrible mental disorder. Get help.

At least you can take heart in the fact that you aren’t suffering alone, though, because high-level clerics associated with the Islamic State (also called ISIS) agree with you.

In an attempt to stymie the wretched sight of pigeon genitals across the Islamic State’s growing Middle Eastern caliphate, the jihadist clerics have banned pigeon breeding, the Daily Mail reports.

The ban on pigeon breeding is now in effect in ISIS’s “Euphrates province,” a newly-created administrative division that covers swathes of Iraq and Syria.

Pigeon breeders have just one week to cease their activities. If they don’t, they will face public flogging — which means getting beaten with a stick if you aren’t up on your vocabulary of medieval punishments. Repeat offenders could face prison time in miserable conditions.

Pigeon breeding has long been a popular leisure pursuit in the Middle East. However, adherents of the austere and ultra-pure brand of Islam favored by ISIS call the practice blasphemy.

Reports suggest that ISIS jihadists arrested 15 boys in January and executed three of them because the jihadists believed pigeon breeding prevented local Muslims from spending enough time praying to Allah and performing other religious activities. (RELATED: ISIS Yearns To Be North Korea And Nine More Things You Won’t Believe About These LUNATICS)

The latest ban on pigeon breeding appears on an official document penned by officials of the “Euphrates province.”

Previous speculation in the West had been that ISIS leaders instituted the ban on pigeon breeding to prevent smuggling of anti-ISIS communications and contraband such as cigarettes.

The document — written in Arabic on paper with the black ISIS logo as the letterhead — suggests otherwise.

The ban is necessary “to put a stop to the greater criminal act of harming one’s Muslim and Muslim women neighbors, revealing the [pigeon’s] genitals and wasting time,” the document proclaims, according to the Mail.

A story in Islam suggests that Muhammad, the prophet and chief messenger of Allah, once received some help from pigeons — or possibly doves — when dealt with enemies at a cave.

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Tags : isis islam
Eric Owens