DC Trawler

When Will Caitlyn Jenner Give Back The Gold Medal She (Yes, SHE) Won Under False Pretenses?

Font Size:

There are two* schools of thought regarding Caitlyn Jenner. Some people believe that she used to be called Bruce Jenner, and was a man.

These people are wrong.

Caitlyn Jenner is a woman. She has always been a woman. It’s not her fault that our misogynist, patriarchal society has taken so long to accept that undeniable fact.

The next step is to rewrite the history books to reflect the reality that has been hidden from us for the past few decades. That’s why I support the following. Joe Kelley, AJC.com:

While many people are embracing and celebrating Caitlyn Jenner, a petition has been started on Change.org calling for the International Olympic Committee to revoke Jenner’s 1976 gold medal from the Olympics.

Take that, transphobes! Here’s the text of the petition:

Dear International Olympic Committee,

It has recently come to light that gold medalist Bruce Jenner is in fact transgender, and therefore, identifies as a woman. We congratulate Ms. Jenner on these new developments and wish her the best. However, this creates somewhat of a problem as Ms. Jenner (as talented as she is) claims that she has always believed herself to be truly female, and therefore, was in violation of committee rules regarding women competing in men’s sports and vice versa. Therefore, it is with a heavy heart that we must ask whether or not it is proper that Ms. Jenner should retain her olympic records in light of this, as we must now either claim that Bruce Jenner and Caitlyn Jenner are two entirely different people (which we know is not true), or that Bruce Jenner was, in fact, a woman participating in a men’s event. It is only fair to all involved that women receive their credit as champions of the Decathalon and that the men racing Ms. Jenner are not expected to compete with a superior, streamlined being such as herself.

We urge Ms. Jenner to support the transgender community by giving up the medals earned by competing against the wrong gender.

Thank you, and congratulations to Ms. Jenner for her courage!


If you believe that Caitlyn Jenner was born a woman — and if you don’t, you’re beneath contempt — then you will support this petition in the name of gender equality. She has lived a lie for most of her life, and the sooner she cuts all ties with the past, the better.

Congratulations, Guido Kratschmer of Germany. You just won the gold medal in the 1976 Olympic men’s decathlon!

Er… unless you’re a woman too. If so, please forgive my insensitivity.

*Yes, yes, we know what you “think” about this, you teabaggers. Your opinion doesn’t matter. You’d better keep it to yourself, or else.