DC Trawler

Banning Confederate Flags In Federal Cemeteries Isn’t Enough

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A few weeks ago, a white guy killed a bunch of black people in South Carolina. Why? Because a flag told him to.

Ban that flag.

Cristina Marcos, The Hill:

After just two minutes of floor debate late Tuesday evening, the House passed a measure to prohibit the display of Confederate flags on graves in federal cemeteries…

Rep. Jared Huffman’s (D-Calif.) amendment to the 2016 Interior Department spending bill seeks to end a policy that allows a temporary display of the flag in cemeteries under the jurisdiction of the National Park Service…

National Park Service Director Jonathan Jarvis issued a directive in 2010 that allows national cemeteries that commemorate a designated Confederate Memorial Day to decorate the graves of Civil War veterans with small Confederate flags. The directive states that decorative flags must be removed “as soon as possible” once the Confederate Memorial Day is over.

This is a good first step, but it doesn’t go far enough. The real question is: Why are Confederate soldiers buried in federal cemeteries? All of those old bones need to be dug up, submitted to a public shaming, burned to ash, and shot into space before they contaminate the rest of us.

All living descendants of those racists should be rounded up, placed in reeducation camps, and submitted to brutal, Clockwork Orange-style aversion therapy until the very sight of a Confederate flag fills them with the required level of seething hatred. Actually, we should do that with everybody south of the Mason-Dixon line. Better safe than sorry.

Oh, and for obvious reasons, we need to ban Dixie cups.

We’re only getting started banning things, people. I don’t care how much it all costs. It’s worth every penny if it makes us feel like we’ve accomplished something.

Update: Much better!