The Mirror

Bill Kristol Despises The Beach

Betsy Rothstein Gossip blogger
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The Weekly Standard‘s Bill Kristol just returned from a trip to Rehoboth, Del., where he did not enjoy the beach.

He had a good time.

But the beach is for people who like sand, heat, waves. In other words, the “uncivilized” parts of life.

In a funny note to readers, Kristol went on and on about his summer vacation with family.

“We’re back from a week at the beach, and I’m pleased to report that I survived. Indeed, I think I could paraphrase Faulkner and say that I did not merely survive, I prevailed.

I prevailed because the family all had a good time. I prevailed because I managed to spend a respectable number of hours (by my lights!) on the actual beach–while, needless to say, spending much more time in the screened-porch or air-conditioned, wifi-friendly confines of the beach house. (Have other people noticed that beaches tend to be very hot, have lots of gritty sand that gets in one’s clothes, feature unpredictable waves, and are generally subject in an uncivilized way to the elements?)

Being older than we once were, however, we all had the good sense to quit while ahead, and we adjourned to Thrasher’s for boardwalk fries and Kohr Brothers for frozen custard. Both of these were as good as remembered. The greatness of America will survive President Obama.”

Takeaways from Kristol’s family vacation:

1. He does not like being away from wifi for too long.

2. He prefers pretty much anything to the beach, namely screen-in porches or air conditioned beach houses.

3. He likes french fries and frozen custard.

4. He’s self-deprecating about aging.

5. He hates the beach.

6. See number 5.