With Evan Gahr
If the letter of recommendation to Roger Ailes does not do the trick, The Mirror has come up with 10 job options for now ex-MSNBCer Ed Schultz, whose show got the axe along with The Cycle and Now With Alex Wagner.
This hasn’t been a great year for Schultz. In May he had to endure a grueling trial in a D.C. federal court after an ex-business partner sued him for breach of partnership. He won, but the trial was so unpleasant that early on in the proceedings the nasty judge, Beryl Howell, scolded Schultz in open court for acting like a buffoon toward her staff.
“Your client is a star, but not with this staff,” the judge growled at Schultz’s nerdy attorney. “Arrogance is noticed by the jury and it’s noticed by my staff. I won’t have my staff treated discourteously. He may treat others discourteously, but not my staff.”
The plaintiff has already filed a motion asking for a new trial, which could swiftly reel Schultz back into legal troubles. Queen filed a motion asking Judge Shrew for a new trial. If she says no, then they file an appeal with the D.C. Circuit Court of Appeals. So with motions and counter-motions already flying back and forth Schultz needs to find gainful employment soon to pay his mounting legal bills.
So let’s help him out, shall we?
10. The District of Columbia Department of Public Works, which clearly needs more racial diversity, could hire Schultz to pick up doggie doo left on sidewalks around town. This way, WaPo media blogger Erik Wemple’s wife won’t get to the stuff first and throw it at someone.
9. Weight Watchers spokesman.
8. Domestic violence counselor. See here for his experience.
7. Work for Media Research Center president Brent Bozell and Newsbusters editor Tim Graham. Both are clearly fans of Schultz since they ignored embarrassing material from his lawsuit for months and only covered a few when MRC board members were contacted.
6. Make advertisements for breath mints. See his relevant experience here.
5. Professor of business ethics at Trump University.
4. A Kindergartener. No pay, but the experience will be invaluable. Friday was Schultz’s last “The Ed Show” on MSNBC, but Ed was a no show. The network said he had scheduling conflicts [insert someone screaming the word BULLSHIT here]. If Ed returns to Kindergarten, maybe he can get disciplined on his brattiness, which can only help him with future employers.
3. Miss Manners columnist, since he’s so nice to people that are beneath him.
2. Private TV tutor for MSNBC President Phil Griffin. They two men can watch White House press conferences together and have little quizzes on who got questions in and who did not. Griffin said in a deposition for Schultz’s recent trial that he hired him because he saw Schultz in the front row of President Obama’s first press conference. He said he was so impressed that Schultz got in a question — except, well, as the information eventually emerged in court, Schultz never asked Obama any question. Griffin either lied or was delusional in regards to his TV watching.
1. Unpaid intern for Michael Queen, the sound engineer at NBC who sued him for breach of partnership after Ed refused to pay him after saying he would and stopped returning his calls. Perhaps Ed can get a sense of what precisely Queen did for a year to help him land his show on MSNBC.
And while waiting to hear back from these potential employers, Schultz could occupy himself by cleaning Judge Beryl Howell’s home for free.
He certainly owes her a favor.