Satire

Before Approving The Iran Deal, Think Of The Climate

Scoops Delacroix Freelance Writer
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After watching President Obama’s televised defense of the Iran deal, I only have one thing to say: think of the carbon emissions, Mr. President.

Obama warns that rejecting the deal will mean war with Iran. Rejection of this deal by Republicans will ensure that Iran gets its hands on nuclear weapons, Mr. Obama warns. All of these scenarios sound terrifying, but want to know what’s scarier than war with a nuclear Iran?

Global warming. That’s right, global warming is the real threat, and Obama is ignoring how the Iran deal he’s backing will only exacerbate the most pressing crisis facing mankind. Obama’s Iran deal is hypocritical and more dangerous.

How can this be? Well, Obama’s deal will ease economic sanctions against the country that have been keeping Iranian oil off international markets. Without sanctions, Iran could put more than one million barrels of oil per day up for sale in a month — it’s a ticking “carbon bomb”!

Can you even imagine what one million more barrels of oil per day will do to the climate? If you think it’s chaotic now, wait until Iran gets its way. Iran has enough oil to put 157 million metric tons of carbon dioxide into the air, causing more climate chaos. Do you even know how many trips around the world in air force that is? Obama would have to fly around the world 129,516 times to emit that much CO2.

Don’t get me wrong, war with Iran would be bad, but how much worse would it be for New York City to be under 10 feet of water? Does Obama even care about how many great boutique restaurants will be lost? Where will people go for brunch? Think of all the lost and displaced Democratic voters!

Remember Superstorm Sandy? I do, and I don’t want my children or grandchildren to have to worry about Megastorm Sandy, or maybe even Ultratyphoon Obama. Think of all the dollars in federally-subsidized coastal mansions that’ll be lost to such a storm, and all the Manhattanites who will be forced to vacation in Maine and not Long Island or Cape Cod because they’ll be under water.

That’s why I’m imploring Obama and Congress to come together and reject this Iran deal. It’s only going to cause more climate chaos and endanger our way of life. Spewing more carbon dioxide into the atmosphere will only hurt the U.S. and endanger our national security more than a nuclear Iran.

A nuclear Iran is only a temporary threat, global warming is forever.