DC Trawler

Jon Stewart Loves Farm Animals

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Jon Stewart made his fortune by hating America. Now he’s taking those millions of dollars and turning his back on the rest of the human race as well. He’s forgotten one very important thing the rest of us still know: Animals are dumb.


After signing off as host of “The Daily Show,” comedian Jon Stewart has revealed a new vocation — starting a sanctuary for abused farm animals…

“I’m a little uncomfortable. I’ve spent the last 20 years immersed in the world of Washington politics and the media landscape, so I don’t know how to deal necessarily with people who have empathy,” Stewart told the all-vegan banquet at The Plaza Hotel in New York.


Tracey Stewart, surrounded by Jon and the couple’s two children, announced that the family had bought a farm in New Jersey to serve as the group’s latest animal sanctuary accompanied by an educational center.

It’s part of something called Farm Sanctuary, which is of course a contradiction in terms. It’s either a farm or a sanctuary. Pick one.

I didn’t know Jon Stewart was a vegan, but it explains a lot. When you starve the human brain of animal protein, it’s capable of little more than generating funny noises and complaints about Republicans.

Of course, Jon won’t be caring for these animals himself. That will be done by other… people. That’s because people are better than animals. Which is why we deserve to eat them and not the other way around.

Say what you want about our enemies the animals — I certainly have, and will continue to do so — but at least they don’t value all other species above their own. Shame on you, Jon Stewart. Haven’t you done enough harm to our society already?